Col. Arturus McBride
& The Lost Irish Brigade
Craig A. Waltman
U.S.A.
June 2018
Borne by the gales of conflict they were from across the swaying sea…now sons of the South they arose, all clad in butternut marching to one accord, upon a late, frosty, November morn, under a sullen, windswept sky most miserably dark and dank…with their once fair skin made swarthy from their harsh living…with their hair whitened by so many fraught years striving beneath the sun, as now the bitter strife of man had led them just beyond the skirts of Williamson, Tennessee and its bordering out-landing, when then in passing Corporal MacDermott made one of his famed, practical observations as he then confided to Sergeant O’Leary and bemoaned, "We have a thousand and one good men here, does John Bell Hood intend to kill every bloody last one of us in Franklin? I’ve heard tell the Federals under Schofield have repeater rifles there don’t ya know, and they aim to shoot every last devotee to the cause if we show our bonnie blue (Flag) in that particular locality."
And Private Flanagan replied, "Yes, I’ve too heard told you can load the infernal things on Sunday and shoot’em all the do-long week…that is if ya have the finger for it."
And Private Clancy further added his vinegar to the pot and said, "Joe Johnston loved us as a father his only child, that Jeff Davis had to go and exchange him for that idiot, anvil headed Hood…why, he would give a rusty bayonet to his own poor mother’s belly which birthed him."
And Private Guthrie also added his thumb to the scale by saying, "By all that which is sacred, he would spit in the devil’s own eye and be using us as the finger to poke him with he would. He’s not the sort of man ya be triflin’ with if ya know what I mean."
"Aye laddies," said Sergeant O’Leary, "best get your mouths in order. I know what you’re implying our personal grievance’s being the same in all, but keep it under your hats. For sure that Hood will snatch out your evil eye if he thought ya looked at him cross, and surely as I can tell from the men’s swagger most think ill of’em."
And now in truth they were cavorting with the dourest of fortunes, those cruelest of sisters, fate and destiny which laid just before them as an open grave, for this was to be a death march, and on the morrow not one would be numbered among the living, their lives would count for not…wasted…frittered away as if it were. And in some other time, who knows when are where the scenario played much the same, where a wise Shamus was searching far and wide for doomed men all as condemned to die to free his land from Sherrick the Dispossessor, that most despised one and his evil lords which rode upon dark wings and lungs aflame… dragons of old they were. And was he not the master of seven, odious giants, in whom he used as his pawns to rook his enemies upon whatsoever his dark whim or fancy may bring forth.
And then upon that very evening, when McBride’s Brigade was bedded down for the last, and thus the embers of their campfires cooled under the Autumn mist, as then a heavy fog crept in covering them as the nap of new down it was, as lint in their sleepy eyes which made them all the heavier, which even caused a deep slumber to fall upon their sentries and pickets. No, now not a watchful eye was left awake to guard them, and, alas, it was as a new sun appeared for the first when the call to arms was finally given upon their drums, to the pounding rhythm of ‘Heart of Oak’, and just as quickly all was upon their feet mustering with silvery Richmond’s (rifles) slung…now slung in their mass confusion…in the disbelief of all their faculty and sense, for then that which was made bare before their very eyes was as a world as oils rendered upon canvas…of Camelot of old and they marveled at its wonder and they wondered how could such a thing ever be.
When then wiping the sleep from his eyes Colonel McBride exclaimed, "Mr. Willoughby, were ya not over the night watch, what in the devil happened, do ya have any explanations of what transpired here?"
And, of course, the young Lieutenant only had a sane man’s retort as he scratched his head and replied, "Sir, as I live, I haven’t an inkling in the slightest of this trickery…or tomfoolery…or whatever it may be, but it is what it is…most fanciful isn’t it?" – as just then a herd of unicorns swiftly fleeted by and they spoke not a word of it in their confusion, but only stood there with slacken jaws…their mouths opened wide for such was their incredulity, it was as if though they were landed on by a falling safe.
And if that wasn’t enough, when then most strangely all the men’s limbs began to tingle and the hair stood on end, which thus herald Shamus’ most startling appearance before them, as the form of lightning he was, and yet with his blazing crash still abounding them he spoke a phrase in the old language, which caused all their unwitting ears to hear, and did they understand his every utterance which began with these his most kindly words of amity, "Fear not."
And, alas, when once again Colonel McBride had found his tongue for such an impression it made he inquired, "What is the meaning of this?"-- and Shamus began to tell the wildest tale of how they were all destined to be as cannon fodder, upon an open mount, going up the long, stony sloop to meet their bitter end…shoulder to shoulder, rank behind rank (their own Seminary Ridge was it to be, doomed men all without hope), and of Sherrick, of how he despoiled this once peaceable land and sent its people into hiding, without nary a complaint from a lone soul, for they knew not the ways of the sword or its defense, for they knew only of goodwill and thus practiced it both day and night continually without cease.
And most strangely McBride and his men believed, for it was something about the fire in his eyes which branded their souls with its truth…searing their very hearts, it was all the proof they now needed. And thus a chill shiver drifted over them as the deepest flurries of winter. They needed time to deliberate their situation, but, alas, time is never a luxury, it is the most costly of things pondered the Colonel and Shamus, for on the morrow Shamus had to face his adversaries alone upon yonder peak, the one all protruding with great, waxen stones as he now beseeched them and prayed, "I canst no longer hold them back for they are too many and have grown exceedingly strong off the fat of the land. I implore you brave few to stand with me to push against the darkness? If victory is our portion you may abideth here, and if you wish but call upon your kin and they shall join you for it is within my power to do so…if it was not true I would tell you thus."
And again they believed, for there was some inscrutable righteousness which flowed as a great fountain from him. And strangely the thought was shared amongst the soldiers as Clancy gave speech to but a few of their musings and affirmed, "Indeed, he’s the spitting image of Father Christmas with the countenance of an angel and a voice to match, no less."
And Private Sweeney, his constant shadow replied, "It’s Merlin, it’s Merlin I say…no doubt."
"Aye laddies," supposed Sergeant O’Leary, "perhaps he’s a bit of both.” -- which, of course, concluded their debate for it made perfect sense to them…how utterly remarkable it all was.
Then McBride with a profound look upon him thus reasoned and said, "I can’t in good conscience instruct ya good men to fight against beasties and magic in all, but it can’t be no worse than Lincoln’s blue devils we faced back where we came from…we didn’t need fairy magic to know it was going to be bad, the handwritten was plainly penned on the wall in bold enough ink it was. We haven’t a shirt upon our backs are a penny to our names, boys, but we have plenty of heart, and I’m proud of ya all, the finest lads I’ve ever served with. It brings a tear to me eye to think about it…we be brothers to the end," And then he bluntly asked,” Who’s up to seeing the elephant for one last time…may I see a show of hands?" -- and, alas, everyone’s arms sprang up like a prayer meeting of sorts, even Wheeler’s Alabamians about a hundred cavalrymen in all, under Lieutenant Monroe, and a light battery of cannoneers with their three brook rifles christened Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego (the sons of thunder they were called), now throw up all their hands without the slightest reserve nor twinge did they.
"Aw, not a chirping song bird among ya," proudly remarked Colonel Arturus McBride, "and all without a hesitation I see, and plenty a-fine, brave fellas you are for doing so I might add. It seemed our lives were not going to account for much of anything, perhaps we can do some good after all for this fairest of lands. Indeed, it’s the very image of a fairytale with its green mountains and golden sky and blue valleys as deep as the sea…truly a veritable Beulah Land it is…you’d almost swear we were all called up hither and somehow missed hearin’ the trump we did. Nothin’ but the finest farmland, boys, as far as the eye can see…fairer than the Shenandoah in high spring it is…at least that is before little Phil Sheridan riding on his big, black filly raised it all to the ground."
“Aye," then replied his men, "If it be a fairytale than we be the knights of your round table…grey knights then we all be and sons of Arin to boot!" -- and a great cheer arose followed by a rebel yell, and just as quickly a call to arms proceeded. Then the Colonel ordered a war counsel with all of his officers and wise Shamus was elected their senior, as all then became a bustle with commotion within the camp, men moving to and fro and ammunition wagons being called up to disperse their armaments. When then McDuffy the quartermaster said, "Sixty rounds each, boys, and aim for the knees if you will!"
And Private Clancy replied, "I’ll be aiming for betwixt their eyes as David slew Goliath."-- and McDuffy slyly replied with a chuckling grin, "Well, I’ll be given ya five smooth stones then, will you be trading your rifle for a sling?"
And thus they all had a good hoot, on account, of their great giddiness, of course, just blowing off their worries they were for the uncertainty of tomorrow. Then the Colonel at the behest of Shamus performed a finale assembly of his men, as he before instructed Flynn his chaplain to lead his men in a prayer for divine mercy, and after which when he concluded with his teachings from Psalm 91, and the beseeching of the good Lord to protect them with all his mighty armies of heaven, and thus finished he with this saying, "For sure all of our sins as rusty nails were driving into the precious hands and feet of our dearest Savior. Remember now, boys, we were all bought for a price…they shan’t have us for free."
Then shortly thereafter McBride promptly charged his officers with their duty upon the mount and the positions they were to hold, and by the evening Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego commanded the summit, and as for their mortar-men they had put a ring of iron around its peak, whilst Monroe’s cavalrymen were concealed in the wood, just beyond to accost their enemies flanks if the need should arise. And, alas, when the night fell and all was tending their firesides the men began to talk amongst themselves when Sweeney said, "Does anyone have a clue what Shamus and the good Colonel was discussion?"-- and Guthrie answered him saying, "From what I can figure they already had the bones to our present arrangement, all they did was add some venison to it."
Then Clancy replied, "Shamus makes it sound as we going to have a bully of a fight on our hands."
"Shall we be discussing tomorrow then," replied MacDermott, "I’m too tired and hungry to be frettin’ about that now…all I want is a bit of rest. We did the quickstep all the way from Florence, Alabama to that godforsaken Franklin without nary strip of bacon between us…and with an infernal Charley horse bedeviling me all the way, no less."
"Oh," added Flanagan, "I’d give my eyeteeth for some good ole tobacco-burley right about now or a cup of coffee."
"Aye, lads," replied Sergeant O’Leary, "it won’t be no more of doing that, just a wee bit of cornmeal and hardtack is all we have left, but remember, boys, we must always be thankful for what we’ve got, for the little we have can be taken away in the blink of an eye."
And so they ended their blithesome grumbling with a most favorable Amen and thus turned in for the night. And as MacDermott was nodding off he thought, "If Shamus is spot on we shouldn’t have anything right now but the rigors…God forbid."
Now, it was about a quarter past daybreak when they had already long since assumed their battle lines, when then Shamus’ sledge appeared from out of the blue, being hauled by a team of giant elk across the sky as he held in one hand a golden lance and in the other a long, double-edged sword of the finest craftsmanship, and when he landed was there not felt a great verve all about them, which began in their head and surged to the soles of their feet as flowing into the ground. Then Clancy pointed and said with a childlike expression on his face, "Look, you see…you see he is Father Christmas! I was right all along…I told ya so, now do ya all believe me!?"
For who stood next to Shamus upon his sledge was a wee, tiny fella named Nickleblinks holding a book in his hands, and did he not have the biggest, bulbous ears you’d ever seen and wearing the funniest little hat which made them appear all the bigger. Then MacDermott responded, "Clancy, ya big baby the little fella is probably only a chronicler not an elf."
“Aw,” replied Clancy, "I see Christmas must’ve been a dark and foreboding season around your home…I’m terribly sorry. We’ve all had hard times come a-knocking at our cabin door before…God only knows as of late, but you must always believe in the good in the world what else do we have left -- if not that?”
And Sweeney too added, "It is true, Shamus has shown us nothin’ but the kindness of Dorcas, perhaps Clancy is right.”
Then MacDermott flung his hands about the air as if he was swatting at a pesky wasp and said, "I give up…he’s Father Christmas!” which, of course, he did not believe in the least, for he too was of the persuasion that he was, in fact, Merlin the great magician, and thus his lie was as flimsy as his halfhearted words…words which now fall upon Clancy’s deafened ears for by his expression he wasn’t buying it...no, not a single word as then MacDermott said under his breath, "But I’d much rather for him to be Merlin instead.”
Then Clancy replied, “Who’s the baby now?”
Then Sergeant O’Leary hearing them declared, “Stop your bickering or Father Christmas won’t be putting no magic wands in your stockings…and that’s an order!”-- as all the while he bit his lip to contain his laughter…two grown men quarrelling over Father Christmas -- it was almost too rich. Then not long afterwards Shamus gave them a tad bit more history regarding Sherrick and his minions and thus revealed with his saying, "The dark ones fell from the sky upon the third day, after the moon was struck by a great, sailing mountain and its face burned as with fire and blood for a week, thereafter. Verily, it was a piece of another world which crashed to earth near the Cape of Storms, just a day’s travel to the north which carried them as an ark across the flood of space, between the dominion of man and the dominions from above. If we fail to stop them here I see no future but only shadows were man once stood…the end of generations will be upon us…the sound of mirth and laughter will forever cease…all the time of man will end here…the beginning of all endings.”
Then Colonel McBride said, "Not if we can add ya. What do you say, boys, we’ve already been through four, long years of hell together what more can these bloody monsters do to us? Sherrick be as the robber barons we left the old country to get away from, and when we got to the new world we were tired of running. We were never in the fight for four hundred dollars and a rifle as some of our poor, misguided brothers do, and in a land where they put our women and children in sweatshops under lock and chain until they burn to the ground with’em still shackled inside. Who pledges with me with both heart and hand…swear now upon your rifles our lines won’t bend, and all gave their oath to waver not and stand their ground to whatever end…even be it to the last one." Then with a far-off, yonder look in his eyes Colonel McBride gave the command, "Grey knights, go forth and stand your ground…for behold the enemy approaches.”
And just as quickly again their firing lines were reformed as the sang to the tune of “Jenny, Get Your Hoecake Done,” when then as they heard the roll of blue thunder in the distance, as the endless recoil of federal cannon booming towards them when Private Clancy finally spying what it was inquired, "What be those little people dwarfs are leprechauns, and what is that disgusting ooze they’re all covered in, is it oil or is it tar?…it looks like they have been dipped in the scabies from their heads to the dewclaws upon their scabby feet.”
“I hear tell Shamus said they be Sherrick’s minions called Tralls they are,” -- answered Private Guthrie.
“Aye,” responded Clancy,” his toadies ya say.”
“Yes,” said Guthrie,” and nothin’ you want to be shaking a stick at, mean as the dickens they are and twice as strong.”
“ Aw,” replied Sweeney, "they do look like little devils with a pair of rearward horns sprouting out of their knobby heads don’t they…the angriest looking bunch of sour lemons they appear.”
Then Sergeant O’Leary lamented with a sigh in the back of his throat, “At times I’ve been more than a father to ya and I love as my own, but if you don’t stop your jabberin’ I’ll crack ya all in your sheep-heads…do ya get my meaning?” -- and then he finished with, as all the while he tried to conceal the fearful tremor in his hand, so none should see and be disheartened for such a stampede of terror it was ever drawing nigh upon the vast openness before them as he said , “Now my little darlings hold steady and don’t give it to’em until ya see the snarl of their rotten teeth…make every last shot count, boys.” And then forming a rank to their rear they seen the giants just cresting a hilltop making their way towards them over the green, and too coming in the air (as to stagger them further) was winging their way six dragons all led by Sherrick upon his icy serpent, and then Shamus quickly went aloft being drawn by his giant elk to greet them with his Lance and sword still in hand.
And then said MacDermott, ”Oh, we be silage for the beasts, lads,”
“Aye,” replied Guthrie,’ this be a dark valley were a calm wind never blows, for Sherrick be Mordred around these parts."
"Aye,” replied Sweeney, "I could really tie one on right about now, to get a good tangle-foot going on if you know what I mean than to be facing these abominations.” And then punned Clancy with their play of words as he tossed in, “We be all in a broke down wagon no one ever seen fit to throw a dime at, and strapped to a dead horse, no less.”
“All of ya nigglin’,” replied O’Leary to them, "is not making my hair any thicker. Now quit makin’ shameful marks in your skivvies and all…we got dragons to slay don’t ya know!”
Why,” then said Lieutenant Willoughby with his eyes all a-bulge who was standing adjacent to them, “the little fiends move faster than galloping dysentery…fire, men, fire!”-- and then they opened up with rank after rank, volley after volley and yet they came…wave after wave of them. When MacDermott realized and exclaimed,” You have to hit the bloody things twice to slow’em down…tougher than a bent spike to make true they are!” “Best be keepin’ your trousers on, patty boys, for this is not going to be any kind of wedding night ya want to be remembering. Now fix bayonets, lads,” commanded O’Leary” and give them the ole buck and ball, boys, for go measure!” -- and the whole front line went off as a shotgun, and thus the Tralls slowed to a creep under their withering fire.
And whilst this was yet playing out Shamus was warring in the sky above and with a mighty shout he railed, "Down with you all back to the dark hole from whence you crawled from!” -- and then light as flashing steel came from his sword falling one of the dragons in its throat, and thus Sherrick thundered against him and said, “Old man, I’ll have your heart for this and hack your limbs from your lifeless corpse. Your eyes will I give as a ransom to the fowls of this world and your putrid tongue shall I keep for myself!”
And then Sherrick threw that which appeared as ball lightning and Shamus caught it with his outstretched hand, which it did sorely burn as it turned glossy red and then blackened as soot. And hence the dragon’s dark brother, the one with a blinded eye began to spew its flames upon the Irish Brigade as McBride then exclaimed,” The beastie is trying to enfilade us!” -- and just as suddenly one of his mortar-men caught it in its good eye and thus it cratered into the side of the mount, exploding as a row of powder cags going off all at once. And by this time the giants were fastly approaching when Monroe’s cavalry came charging out of the wood with gleaming sabers held forward and carbines made ready, now as an avalanche of man and horse rushing towards them into the fray.
When then Captain O’Keith commanded his battery of cannon on top of the mount and said,” Train all guns on that lizard’s fat, pot belly.” Which one?” his gunners replied as they gazed about the stones around their worn shoes in their final stages of dilapidation. Look up, lads, the flying dragon with wings…the really ugly one supporting the Tralls against our lines!”
“Aye Captain!”-- and then they cut loose with two misses and one bullseye.
“Right on the mark, boys,” exclaimed O’Keith,” you made your mothers all proud today…every last one of ya!” -- as all the while its flames poured out of its stomach upon the Tralls below, as it plummeted into their ranks now divided them with a river of fire. Then Sweeney said, “Oh mercy, don’t look now, fellas!” -- as a ghastly giant picked up Monroe ever mounted upon Thrasher his fiery paint with its horrid, six fingered hand, with still the Lieutenants’ saber wildly slashing all about, as it commenced to swallowing them both whole, as all the way down to the titan’s gullet Monroe eviscerated the monster with his blade, spilling them out with its innards, and somehow quite miraculously mercy had found a way for them to survive unscathed, as thus the men cheered him on with much hearty rejoicing, for all had, indeed, witnessed the great event and began to chant and say, “He be Author’s Sir Lancelot fearless and undaunted is he!” But most unhappily their celebration was poorly timed, for then Sergeant O’Leary then charged them detecting their desperate situation and yelled,” Give them nothin’ but cold stool and hot shot, pour it on’em, boys, give them everything you can muster…a dollar and a penny more if ya can spare!” But, alas, they were as the spawn of the lord of the flies so many they were, and with but one last push the Tralls were upon them when MacDermont said,” We’re down to nothin’ but brass tacks now, boys…we be a square peg being driving hard into a round hole we are…their givin’ us the full monkey show!”
“Watch out!” -- then cried Clancy now alerting him when then MacDermont gratefully responded,” Did ya see that blasted, ghoulish leprechaun trying to horn me in me belly, a million thanks for your hollering, friend!”
"Aye lads”, said Sergeant O’Leary, "do you want the long or short of it…well, I’ll be givin’ ya the short of it then. That Sherrick be a Friday’s child full of worry and wow, why he would rob an orphanage and burn it down to cover his own crime. It’s like Shiloh all over again; if we could only call up Wheat’s Tigers it would all be over now.”
And so the battle worsened, until, alas, they were reduced to fighting with bayonets, knives and their bare hands and rifle butts. It was a terrible scene going on below, a sight not meant for sober eyes, when then Shamus winged Sherrick’s icy serpent with a fiery bolt from his lance grounding it upon the summit of the smoky mount, where he then raged against O’Keith’s cannoneers destroying Abednego with but mere wave of his hand, and Shadrach and Meshach responded with double canisters in kind which now left Sherrick’s left arm dangling upon the thinnest of threads.
And thus Sherrick avowed in this their battle above the clouds, "I’ll singe your eyes red and make you speweth forth your lungs!”-- as he then exhaled the most searing, noxious breathe which blistered their skin, and at once O’Keith and his men blindly fled from their works, stumbling over their feet and each other in their most hasty retreat.
Then Guthrie said, “Good heavens, what is this!? Sherrick is pulling off his own daggling arm…by all that which is holy he’s hurling it at Shamus!” -- and then there was a terrific blast which occurred in the midst of the vast, blue harbor of the sky, as a munition ship going off at its birth, as all the while Clancy was gaining a bead with his rifled Richmond upon the mad wizard, and then with but a squeeze of his nitered fingertip he dropped its hammer on Sherrick’s head, parting it cleanly in the middle between his crazed eyes now throwing him backward upon a rock in a most fitful spasm, and then in an instant with his able arm reaching heavenward it slumped with one last convulsion upon his still chest, and hence he was no more as a bolt of lightning now left him splitting the mount to its base.
And in seeing this…his remaining minions fled from the field scattered towards the four winds to hide in the secrete places. They bored themselves into the earth to find their refuge under the lochs and hidden grottos.
When then Colonel McBride pithily said, "Aye lads, sometimes you’re the bug…sometimes you’re the heel, but either way that was the cleanest shot I did ever see…ya got’em square in his ole sin box ya did. Why, Private Clancy my boy, you could take the wings off a fly at a hundred yards or spot-ya a golden flake in a blinding blizzard ya could! Best eyes ya have in all the western army…there’s none truer. May I hear three cheers for Private Clancy and who be written him an ode?”
When then Sweeney began to sing, "With an eagle’s wily gleamer and steadfast finger…there goes a-flying Clancy’s minnie ball through the midst of heaven…with thunderclap, shot and muzzle-blast runnin’ forever straight and unwavering…as surely as the Almighty had parted the Red Sea for Moses his faithful, servant true …as delivering wicked Pharaoh unto his own tricky-trap…his stiff neck dropped in the noose from a sour apple tree to do the hangman’s jig…a jig only the condemned can dance…a dance that can only be danced once…no seconds…only firsts," which made Clancy brim ear to ear with a smile as big as the sun, which was a far cry of how he felt just a week prior, on account, he was feeling quite glum over a blue belly rendering some buckshot unto his faithful dog, which even now could still be seen the dirt under his fingernails from digging his grave…and a most faithful dog he was, as he had alerted them to a-many Yankee trap before (as they now all most sadly recalled), when then Shamus suddenly appeared before them alive and with much vigor and thus McBride said in his bewilderment, ”We feared ya gone to your great reward…what on earth happened to ya?” (as he then silently thought within himself, "It looked as a distillery blowin’ off its top…how could anyone survive such an inferno?”) -- and Shamus just smartly said knowing his secrete thoughts, "His arm did not favor my lance. And now as I promised all can remaineth here, and call upon whomsoever you wish and if it is their desire they shall likewise join thee.” – and then he honored them all by giving his full name, Shamus Klausen Ambrosius it was.
And thus not one chose to depart knowing full well that they should not see victory upon their return. Now, as to live twice and to die but once, what more could one ask to begin life anew, and thus the myth was conceived in truth…and legends were born…may the glory of their wonders never cease. Most strange what a day can bring forth…the birth of a whole new world…a second chance to get things right.
The End
& The Lost Irish Brigade
Craig A. Waltman
U.S.A.
June 2018
Borne by the gales of conflict they were from across the swaying sea…now sons of the South they arose, all clad in butternut marching to one accord, upon a late, frosty, November morn, under a sullen, windswept sky most miserably dark and dank…with their once fair skin made swarthy from their harsh living…with their hair whitened by so many fraught years striving beneath the sun, as now the bitter strife of man had led them just beyond the skirts of Williamson, Tennessee and its bordering out-landing, when then in passing Corporal MacDermott made one of his famed, practical observations as he then confided to Sergeant O’Leary and bemoaned, "We have a thousand and one good men here, does John Bell Hood intend to kill every bloody last one of us in Franklin? I’ve heard tell the Federals under Schofield have repeater rifles there don’t ya know, and they aim to shoot every last devotee to the cause if we show our bonnie blue (Flag) in that particular locality."
And Private Flanagan replied, "Yes, I’ve too heard told you can load the infernal things on Sunday and shoot’em all the do-long week…that is if ya have the finger for it."
And Private Clancy further added his vinegar to the pot and said, "Joe Johnston loved us as a father his only child, that Jeff Davis had to go and exchange him for that idiot, anvil headed Hood…why, he would give a rusty bayonet to his own poor mother’s belly which birthed him."
And Private Guthrie also added his thumb to the scale by saying, "By all that which is sacred, he would spit in the devil’s own eye and be using us as the finger to poke him with he would. He’s not the sort of man ya be triflin’ with if ya know what I mean."
"Aye laddies," said Sergeant O’Leary, "best get your mouths in order. I know what you’re implying our personal grievance’s being the same in all, but keep it under your hats. For sure that Hood will snatch out your evil eye if he thought ya looked at him cross, and surely as I can tell from the men’s swagger most think ill of’em."
And now in truth they were cavorting with the dourest of fortunes, those cruelest of sisters, fate and destiny which laid just before them as an open grave, for this was to be a death march, and on the morrow not one would be numbered among the living, their lives would count for not…wasted…frittered away as if it were. And in some other time, who knows when are where the scenario played much the same, where a wise Shamus was searching far and wide for doomed men all as condemned to die to free his land from Sherrick the Dispossessor, that most despised one and his evil lords which rode upon dark wings and lungs aflame… dragons of old they were. And was he not the master of seven, odious giants, in whom he used as his pawns to rook his enemies upon whatsoever his dark whim or fancy may bring forth.
And then upon that very evening, when McBride’s Brigade was bedded down for the last, and thus the embers of their campfires cooled under the Autumn mist, as then a heavy fog crept in covering them as the nap of new down it was, as lint in their sleepy eyes which made them all the heavier, which even caused a deep slumber to fall upon their sentries and pickets. No, now not a watchful eye was left awake to guard them, and, alas, it was as a new sun appeared for the first when the call to arms was finally given upon their drums, to the pounding rhythm of ‘Heart of Oak’, and just as quickly all was upon their feet mustering with silvery Richmond’s (rifles) slung…now slung in their mass confusion…in the disbelief of all their faculty and sense, for then that which was made bare before their very eyes was as a world as oils rendered upon canvas…of Camelot of old and they marveled at its wonder and they wondered how could such a thing ever be.
When then wiping the sleep from his eyes Colonel McBride exclaimed, "Mr. Willoughby, were ya not over the night watch, what in the devil happened, do ya have any explanations of what transpired here?"
And, of course, the young Lieutenant only had a sane man’s retort as he scratched his head and replied, "Sir, as I live, I haven’t an inkling in the slightest of this trickery…or tomfoolery…or whatever it may be, but it is what it is…most fanciful isn’t it?" – as just then a herd of unicorns swiftly fleeted by and they spoke not a word of it in their confusion, but only stood there with slacken jaws…their mouths opened wide for such was their incredulity, it was as if though they were landed on by a falling safe.
And if that wasn’t enough, when then most strangely all the men’s limbs began to tingle and the hair stood on end, which thus herald Shamus’ most startling appearance before them, as the form of lightning he was, and yet with his blazing crash still abounding them he spoke a phrase in the old language, which caused all their unwitting ears to hear, and did they understand his every utterance which began with these his most kindly words of amity, "Fear not."
And, alas, when once again Colonel McBride had found his tongue for such an impression it made he inquired, "What is the meaning of this?"-- and Shamus began to tell the wildest tale of how they were all destined to be as cannon fodder, upon an open mount, going up the long, stony sloop to meet their bitter end…shoulder to shoulder, rank behind rank (their own Seminary Ridge was it to be, doomed men all without hope), and of Sherrick, of how he despoiled this once peaceable land and sent its people into hiding, without nary a complaint from a lone soul, for they knew not the ways of the sword or its defense, for they knew only of goodwill and thus practiced it both day and night continually without cease.
And most strangely McBride and his men believed, for it was something about the fire in his eyes which branded their souls with its truth…searing their very hearts, it was all the proof they now needed. And thus a chill shiver drifted over them as the deepest flurries of winter. They needed time to deliberate their situation, but, alas, time is never a luxury, it is the most costly of things pondered the Colonel and Shamus, for on the morrow Shamus had to face his adversaries alone upon yonder peak, the one all protruding with great, waxen stones as he now beseeched them and prayed, "I canst no longer hold them back for they are too many and have grown exceedingly strong off the fat of the land. I implore you brave few to stand with me to push against the darkness? If victory is our portion you may abideth here, and if you wish but call upon your kin and they shall join you for it is within my power to do so…if it was not true I would tell you thus."
And again they believed, for there was some inscrutable righteousness which flowed as a great fountain from him. And strangely the thought was shared amongst the soldiers as Clancy gave speech to but a few of their musings and affirmed, "Indeed, he’s the spitting image of Father Christmas with the countenance of an angel and a voice to match, no less."
And Private Sweeney, his constant shadow replied, "It’s Merlin, it’s Merlin I say…no doubt."
"Aye laddies," supposed Sergeant O’Leary, "perhaps he’s a bit of both.” -- which, of course, concluded their debate for it made perfect sense to them…how utterly remarkable it all was.
Then McBride with a profound look upon him thus reasoned and said, "I can’t in good conscience instruct ya good men to fight against beasties and magic in all, but it can’t be no worse than Lincoln’s blue devils we faced back where we came from…we didn’t need fairy magic to know it was going to be bad, the handwritten was plainly penned on the wall in bold enough ink it was. We haven’t a shirt upon our backs are a penny to our names, boys, but we have plenty of heart, and I’m proud of ya all, the finest lads I’ve ever served with. It brings a tear to me eye to think about it…we be brothers to the end," And then he bluntly asked,” Who’s up to seeing the elephant for one last time…may I see a show of hands?" -- and, alas, everyone’s arms sprang up like a prayer meeting of sorts, even Wheeler’s Alabamians about a hundred cavalrymen in all, under Lieutenant Monroe, and a light battery of cannoneers with their three brook rifles christened Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego (the sons of thunder they were called), now throw up all their hands without the slightest reserve nor twinge did they.
"Aw, not a chirping song bird among ya," proudly remarked Colonel Arturus McBride, "and all without a hesitation I see, and plenty a-fine, brave fellas you are for doing so I might add. It seemed our lives were not going to account for much of anything, perhaps we can do some good after all for this fairest of lands. Indeed, it’s the very image of a fairytale with its green mountains and golden sky and blue valleys as deep as the sea…truly a veritable Beulah Land it is…you’d almost swear we were all called up hither and somehow missed hearin’ the trump we did. Nothin’ but the finest farmland, boys, as far as the eye can see…fairer than the Shenandoah in high spring it is…at least that is before little Phil Sheridan riding on his big, black filly raised it all to the ground."
“Aye," then replied his men, "If it be a fairytale than we be the knights of your round table…grey knights then we all be and sons of Arin to boot!" -- and a great cheer arose followed by a rebel yell, and just as quickly a call to arms proceeded. Then the Colonel ordered a war counsel with all of his officers and wise Shamus was elected their senior, as all then became a bustle with commotion within the camp, men moving to and fro and ammunition wagons being called up to disperse their armaments. When then McDuffy the quartermaster said, "Sixty rounds each, boys, and aim for the knees if you will!"
And Private Clancy replied, "I’ll be aiming for betwixt their eyes as David slew Goliath."-- and McDuffy slyly replied with a chuckling grin, "Well, I’ll be given ya five smooth stones then, will you be trading your rifle for a sling?"
And thus they all had a good hoot, on account, of their great giddiness, of course, just blowing off their worries they were for the uncertainty of tomorrow. Then the Colonel at the behest of Shamus performed a finale assembly of his men, as he before instructed Flynn his chaplain to lead his men in a prayer for divine mercy, and after which when he concluded with his teachings from Psalm 91, and the beseeching of the good Lord to protect them with all his mighty armies of heaven, and thus finished he with this saying, "For sure all of our sins as rusty nails were driving into the precious hands and feet of our dearest Savior. Remember now, boys, we were all bought for a price…they shan’t have us for free."
Then shortly thereafter McBride promptly charged his officers with their duty upon the mount and the positions they were to hold, and by the evening Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego commanded the summit, and as for their mortar-men they had put a ring of iron around its peak, whilst Monroe’s cavalrymen were concealed in the wood, just beyond to accost their enemies flanks if the need should arise. And, alas, when the night fell and all was tending their firesides the men began to talk amongst themselves when Sweeney said, "Does anyone have a clue what Shamus and the good Colonel was discussion?"-- and Guthrie answered him saying, "From what I can figure they already had the bones to our present arrangement, all they did was add some venison to it."
Then Clancy replied, "Shamus makes it sound as we going to have a bully of a fight on our hands."
"Shall we be discussing tomorrow then," replied MacDermott, "I’m too tired and hungry to be frettin’ about that now…all I want is a bit of rest. We did the quickstep all the way from Florence, Alabama to that godforsaken Franklin without nary strip of bacon between us…and with an infernal Charley horse bedeviling me all the way, no less."
"Oh," added Flanagan, "I’d give my eyeteeth for some good ole tobacco-burley right about now or a cup of coffee."
"Aye, lads," replied Sergeant O’Leary, "it won’t be no more of doing that, just a wee bit of cornmeal and hardtack is all we have left, but remember, boys, we must always be thankful for what we’ve got, for the little we have can be taken away in the blink of an eye."
And so they ended their blithesome grumbling with a most favorable Amen and thus turned in for the night. And as MacDermott was nodding off he thought, "If Shamus is spot on we shouldn’t have anything right now but the rigors…God forbid."
Now, it was about a quarter past daybreak when they had already long since assumed their battle lines, when then Shamus’ sledge appeared from out of the blue, being hauled by a team of giant elk across the sky as he held in one hand a golden lance and in the other a long, double-edged sword of the finest craftsmanship, and when he landed was there not felt a great verve all about them, which began in their head and surged to the soles of their feet as flowing into the ground. Then Clancy pointed and said with a childlike expression on his face, "Look, you see…you see he is Father Christmas! I was right all along…I told ya so, now do ya all believe me!?"
For who stood next to Shamus upon his sledge was a wee, tiny fella named Nickleblinks holding a book in his hands, and did he not have the biggest, bulbous ears you’d ever seen and wearing the funniest little hat which made them appear all the bigger. Then MacDermott responded, "Clancy, ya big baby the little fella is probably only a chronicler not an elf."
“Aw,” replied Clancy, "I see Christmas must’ve been a dark and foreboding season around your home…I’m terribly sorry. We’ve all had hard times come a-knocking at our cabin door before…God only knows as of late, but you must always believe in the good in the world what else do we have left -- if not that?”
And Sweeney too added, "It is true, Shamus has shown us nothin’ but the kindness of Dorcas, perhaps Clancy is right.”
Then MacDermott flung his hands about the air as if he was swatting at a pesky wasp and said, "I give up…he’s Father Christmas!” which, of course, he did not believe in the least, for he too was of the persuasion that he was, in fact, Merlin the great magician, and thus his lie was as flimsy as his halfhearted words…words which now fall upon Clancy’s deafened ears for by his expression he wasn’t buying it...no, not a single word as then MacDermott said under his breath, "But I’d much rather for him to be Merlin instead.”
Then Clancy replied, “Who’s the baby now?”
Then Sergeant O’Leary hearing them declared, “Stop your bickering or Father Christmas won’t be putting no magic wands in your stockings…and that’s an order!”-- as all the while he bit his lip to contain his laughter…two grown men quarrelling over Father Christmas -- it was almost too rich. Then not long afterwards Shamus gave them a tad bit more history regarding Sherrick and his minions and thus revealed with his saying, "The dark ones fell from the sky upon the third day, after the moon was struck by a great, sailing mountain and its face burned as with fire and blood for a week, thereafter. Verily, it was a piece of another world which crashed to earth near the Cape of Storms, just a day’s travel to the north which carried them as an ark across the flood of space, between the dominion of man and the dominions from above. If we fail to stop them here I see no future but only shadows were man once stood…the end of generations will be upon us…the sound of mirth and laughter will forever cease…all the time of man will end here…the beginning of all endings.”
Then Colonel McBride said, "Not if we can add ya. What do you say, boys, we’ve already been through four, long years of hell together what more can these bloody monsters do to us? Sherrick be as the robber barons we left the old country to get away from, and when we got to the new world we were tired of running. We were never in the fight for four hundred dollars and a rifle as some of our poor, misguided brothers do, and in a land where they put our women and children in sweatshops under lock and chain until they burn to the ground with’em still shackled inside. Who pledges with me with both heart and hand…swear now upon your rifles our lines won’t bend, and all gave their oath to waver not and stand their ground to whatever end…even be it to the last one." Then with a far-off, yonder look in his eyes Colonel McBride gave the command, "Grey knights, go forth and stand your ground…for behold the enemy approaches.”
And just as quickly again their firing lines were reformed as the sang to the tune of “Jenny, Get Your Hoecake Done,” when then as they heard the roll of blue thunder in the distance, as the endless recoil of federal cannon booming towards them when Private Clancy finally spying what it was inquired, "What be those little people dwarfs are leprechauns, and what is that disgusting ooze they’re all covered in, is it oil or is it tar?…it looks like they have been dipped in the scabies from their heads to the dewclaws upon their scabby feet.”
“I hear tell Shamus said they be Sherrick’s minions called Tralls they are,” -- answered Private Guthrie.
“Aye,” responded Clancy,” his toadies ya say.”
“Yes,” said Guthrie,” and nothin’ you want to be shaking a stick at, mean as the dickens they are and twice as strong.”
“ Aw,” replied Sweeney, "they do look like little devils with a pair of rearward horns sprouting out of their knobby heads don’t they…the angriest looking bunch of sour lemons they appear.”
Then Sergeant O’Leary lamented with a sigh in the back of his throat, “At times I’ve been more than a father to ya and I love as my own, but if you don’t stop your jabberin’ I’ll crack ya all in your sheep-heads…do ya get my meaning?” -- and then he finished with, as all the while he tried to conceal the fearful tremor in his hand, so none should see and be disheartened for such a stampede of terror it was ever drawing nigh upon the vast openness before them as he said , “Now my little darlings hold steady and don’t give it to’em until ya see the snarl of their rotten teeth…make every last shot count, boys.” And then forming a rank to their rear they seen the giants just cresting a hilltop making their way towards them over the green, and too coming in the air (as to stagger them further) was winging their way six dragons all led by Sherrick upon his icy serpent, and then Shamus quickly went aloft being drawn by his giant elk to greet them with his Lance and sword still in hand.
And then said MacDermott, ”Oh, we be silage for the beasts, lads,”
“Aye,” replied Guthrie,’ this be a dark valley were a calm wind never blows, for Sherrick be Mordred around these parts."
"Aye,” replied Sweeney, "I could really tie one on right about now, to get a good tangle-foot going on if you know what I mean than to be facing these abominations.” And then punned Clancy with their play of words as he tossed in, “We be all in a broke down wagon no one ever seen fit to throw a dime at, and strapped to a dead horse, no less.”
“All of ya nigglin’,” replied O’Leary to them, "is not making my hair any thicker. Now quit makin’ shameful marks in your skivvies and all…we got dragons to slay don’t ya know!”
Why,” then said Lieutenant Willoughby with his eyes all a-bulge who was standing adjacent to them, “the little fiends move faster than galloping dysentery…fire, men, fire!”-- and then they opened up with rank after rank, volley after volley and yet they came…wave after wave of them. When MacDermott realized and exclaimed,” You have to hit the bloody things twice to slow’em down…tougher than a bent spike to make true they are!” “Best be keepin’ your trousers on, patty boys, for this is not going to be any kind of wedding night ya want to be remembering. Now fix bayonets, lads,” commanded O’Leary” and give them the ole buck and ball, boys, for go measure!” -- and the whole front line went off as a shotgun, and thus the Tralls slowed to a creep under their withering fire.
And whilst this was yet playing out Shamus was warring in the sky above and with a mighty shout he railed, "Down with you all back to the dark hole from whence you crawled from!” -- and then light as flashing steel came from his sword falling one of the dragons in its throat, and thus Sherrick thundered against him and said, “Old man, I’ll have your heart for this and hack your limbs from your lifeless corpse. Your eyes will I give as a ransom to the fowls of this world and your putrid tongue shall I keep for myself!”
And then Sherrick threw that which appeared as ball lightning and Shamus caught it with his outstretched hand, which it did sorely burn as it turned glossy red and then blackened as soot. And hence the dragon’s dark brother, the one with a blinded eye began to spew its flames upon the Irish Brigade as McBride then exclaimed,” The beastie is trying to enfilade us!” -- and just as suddenly one of his mortar-men caught it in its good eye and thus it cratered into the side of the mount, exploding as a row of powder cags going off all at once. And by this time the giants were fastly approaching when Monroe’s cavalry came charging out of the wood with gleaming sabers held forward and carbines made ready, now as an avalanche of man and horse rushing towards them into the fray.
When then Captain O’Keith commanded his battery of cannon on top of the mount and said,” Train all guns on that lizard’s fat, pot belly.” Which one?” his gunners replied as they gazed about the stones around their worn shoes in their final stages of dilapidation. Look up, lads, the flying dragon with wings…the really ugly one supporting the Tralls against our lines!”
“Aye Captain!”-- and then they cut loose with two misses and one bullseye.
“Right on the mark, boys,” exclaimed O’Keith,” you made your mothers all proud today…every last one of ya!” -- as all the while its flames poured out of its stomach upon the Tralls below, as it plummeted into their ranks now divided them with a river of fire. Then Sweeney said, “Oh mercy, don’t look now, fellas!” -- as a ghastly giant picked up Monroe ever mounted upon Thrasher his fiery paint with its horrid, six fingered hand, with still the Lieutenants’ saber wildly slashing all about, as it commenced to swallowing them both whole, as all the way down to the titan’s gullet Monroe eviscerated the monster with his blade, spilling them out with its innards, and somehow quite miraculously mercy had found a way for them to survive unscathed, as thus the men cheered him on with much hearty rejoicing, for all had, indeed, witnessed the great event and began to chant and say, “He be Author’s Sir Lancelot fearless and undaunted is he!” But most unhappily their celebration was poorly timed, for then Sergeant O’Leary then charged them detecting their desperate situation and yelled,” Give them nothin’ but cold stool and hot shot, pour it on’em, boys, give them everything you can muster…a dollar and a penny more if ya can spare!” But, alas, they were as the spawn of the lord of the flies so many they were, and with but one last push the Tralls were upon them when MacDermont said,” We’re down to nothin’ but brass tacks now, boys…we be a square peg being driving hard into a round hole we are…their givin’ us the full monkey show!”
“Watch out!” -- then cried Clancy now alerting him when then MacDermont gratefully responded,” Did ya see that blasted, ghoulish leprechaun trying to horn me in me belly, a million thanks for your hollering, friend!”
"Aye lads”, said Sergeant O’Leary, "do you want the long or short of it…well, I’ll be givin’ ya the short of it then. That Sherrick be a Friday’s child full of worry and wow, why he would rob an orphanage and burn it down to cover his own crime. It’s like Shiloh all over again; if we could only call up Wheat’s Tigers it would all be over now.”
And so the battle worsened, until, alas, they were reduced to fighting with bayonets, knives and their bare hands and rifle butts. It was a terrible scene going on below, a sight not meant for sober eyes, when then Shamus winged Sherrick’s icy serpent with a fiery bolt from his lance grounding it upon the summit of the smoky mount, where he then raged against O’Keith’s cannoneers destroying Abednego with but mere wave of his hand, and Shadrach and Meshach responded with double canisters in kind which now left Sherrick’s left arm dangling upon the thinnest of threads.
And thus Sherrick avowed in this their battle above the clouds, "I’ll singe your eyes red and make you speweth forth your lungs!”-- as he then exhaled the most searing, noxious breathe which blistered their skin, and at once O’Keith and his men blindly fled from their works, stumbling over their feet and each other in their most hasty retreat.
Then Guthrie said, “Good heavens, what is this!? Sherrick is pulling off his own daggling arm…by all that which is holy he’s hurling it at Shamus!” -- and then there was a terrific blast which occurred in the midst of the vast, blue harbor of the sky, as a munition ship going off at its birth, as all the while Clancy was gaining a bead with his rifled Richmond upon the mad wizard, and then with but a squeeze of his nitered fingertip he dropped its hammer on Sherrick’s head, parting it cleanly in the middle between his crazed eyes now throwing him backward upon a rock in a most fitful spasm, and then in an instant with his able arm reaching heavenward it slumped with one last convulsion upon his still chest, and hence he was no more as a bolt of lightning now left him splitting the mount to its base.
And in seeing this…his remaining minions fled from the field scattered towards the four winds to hide in the secrete places. They bored themselves into the earth to find their refuge under the lochs and hidden grottos.
When then Colonel McBride pithily said, "Aye lads, sometimes you’re the bug…sometimes you’re the heel, but either way that was the cleanest shot I did ever see…ya got’em square in his ole sin box ya did. Why, Private Clancy my boy, you could take the wings off a fly at a hundred yards or spot-ya a golden flake in a blinding blizzard ya could! Best eyes ya have in all the western army…there’s none truer. May I hear three cheers for Private Clancy and who be written him an ode?”
When then Sweeney began to sing, "With an eagle’s wily gleamer and steadfast finger…there goes a-flying Clancy’s minnie ball through the midst of heaven…with thunderclap, shot and muzzle-blast runnin’ forever straight and unwavering…as surely as the Almighty had parted the Red Sea for Moses his faithful, servant true …as delivering wicked Pharaoh unto his own tricky-trap…his stiff neck dropped in the noose from a sour apple tree to do the hangman’s jig…a jig only the condemned can dance…a dance that can only be danced once…no seconds…only firsts," which made Clancy brim ear to ear with a smile as big as the sun, which was a far cry of how he felt just a week prior, on account, he was feeling quite glum over a blue belly rendering some buckshot unto his faithful dog, which even now could still be seen the dirt under his fingernails from digging his grave…and a most faithful dog he was, as he had alerted them to a-many Yankee trap before (as they now all most sadly recalled), when then Shamus suddenly appeared before them alive and with much vigor and thus McBride said in his bewilderment, ”We feared ya gone to your great reward…what on earth happened to ya?” (as he then silently thought within himself, "It looked as a distillery blowin’ off its top…how could anyone survive such an inferno?”) -- and Shamus just smartly said knowing his secrete thoughts, "His arm did not favor my lance. And now as I promised all can remaineth here, and call upon whomsoever you wish and if it is their desire they shall likewise join thee.” – and then he honored them all by giving his full name, Shamus Klausen Ambrosius it was.
And thus not one chose to depart knowing full well that they should not see victory upon their return. Now, as to live twice and to die but once, what more could one ask to begin life anew, and thus the myth was conceived in truth…and legends were born…may the glory of their wonders never cease. Most strange what a day can bring forth…the birth of a whole new world…a second chance to get things right.
The End