Picture
Mohobe 1780
(The Dark Country)
by Craig Waltman
USA
January 2020

Now me brother Newly, bless his heart had just returned from the battle of King’s Mountain, in addition with a Tories ball in his shoulder. But he faired rather well though, for it had went through and through just as clean as you please. Why, my darling Cathy even dressed it up for him she did, and topped it off with the loveliest of bows. Ya might say a-doctoring she just had a special knack for, and no better midwife you could find in all the Carolinas. Just as her very own dear mother and mother before, who had sewed up a-many of a brave Highlander, who had fought and died for their fair Bonnie Prince Charlie, upon the bloodied fields of Culloden Moor…may God rest their saintly souls, for there were none which ever walked any truer upon all the isles of Albion’s (Great Britain) rocky shores.

Thank goodness for that, for we never really had much money for a-real doctoring that is. For we were all about in the same rickety skiff as everyone else, without a paddle or an ore to our penniless names, just waiting to get swallowed up by Jonah’s big fish is all I can say. But even still we were happy for the most part, for we had our own good land and fields to plow without nary a landlord peeking over our shoulders telling us how much we owed’em…and what…when…and how to do it (ya know for us to do a little jig for’em and jump through fiery hoops and such). But, oh well, at least me brother was back again, as too was Ferguson most mercifully sent nigh unto his justly reward and out of our misery was he, as then me brother bragged and told,” No shot was ever truer that brought him down. Aw, the poor devils hadn’t a sinner’s chance at a prayer meeting, presided over by nothing but parsons. They were like shooting fish in a barrel they were.”

I can only judge me brother had a flare for saying things, why, he could even make the drudgery of washing dishes sound inviting as he further told,” We sure a-sent Cornwallis a-running for fear of our rifles, we shot the fear into’em real good we did. They won’t be heading back our way again I tell ya…you can strike a bargain on it.” Oh, how I hoped me brother was sincere, for it seemed all them years of fighting Indians and hunting squirrels had paid off. For most Overmountain Men could pretty much shot the eye out of a-biting clegg (horsefly) at a hundred yards…so I’m told, and now if only the British would quit deliberately going about spreading their infernal smallpox to whomsoever they could give it to…to every man, woman, and child it seemed. Why, you’d figure they be trying to kill all of us with that bloody bug of theirs, and, in fact, they were as Newly would come later to inform as he told, “Shelby passed it on that Cornwallis made sure all of his men were giving a slight issuance of the pox, before shipping over. He wanted us to be sick as dogs if not only worse. It seems the only good Irishman, nowadays, is a dead one and the very same goes for all the other colonists, unless, of course, if you’re a mercenary or Hessian and then he be wanting to slip a ring on ya finger and be marring ya.” Then he said,” Before ya hauled yourself over here with your Cathy and youngin’s, we had a real bad case of it sweep through our county. “

And then he went on quite a spell giving me all the particulars, that is until his shoulder a-started to shooting with pain again as he concluded with, “Now let me get back to my convalescing, me arm feels like its being held in a cook fire it is.” But even still we told nobody about our Toby, this was a secret we kept all to ourselves. Why be borrowing trouble we thought, for there was already enough of that to go around…I already had a slop-jar full of it and I be wanting no more, and that’s for sure. But somehow me brother’s words sounded strangely familiar, it was about something my young son Tom Tom was telling me about as he before mentioned,” Do ya know Toby don’t like much to be alone…sometimes I think I see’em a-crying, it makes me…me  sad, too.” “Why on earth does Toby cry, boy?” I asked my Tom Tom, as now too he replied with a veil of tears shrouding his blue eyes, “All died…all of’em died, da (dad), the whole passil of’em not three winters ago now!” Dear Lord, child, not all of his ogre friends ya say!? What sort of evil thing had befallen them ya figure,” I inquired in my disbelief and horror,” was it some kind of creeping crud ya think?”  “I heard Toby call it Bow-Row-Gear-Rah.” My son revealed as he sniffled and wiped his little runny nose, as he then tried to explain its meaning to me and told,” I think it’s fire…no…no, that’s not it….Yes, the great burning it is he…he said.” And so then digging just a little, wee, bit deeper I asked, “How did our Toby manage through this terrible affair?” “Oh,” he said,” Toby got really sick too, but he…he…had some help from his great, big, ole wolf, Chu-nook.  He…he a-kept a-fetching him plenty of plump rabbits, until he…he got well again he did.”  “Glory be, thank goodness for that.” I said, and that being the first I ever heard Chunook’s name, I asked,” Does it have a meaning ya figure?” ” Gray one, I’m pretty sure,” Tom Tom replied,” but he…he also calls him by another, which is too hard for me…me to say, but it means ‘the one which helps’ I think so.” Then the child said with his tears still glistening upon his warm face,” He…he lets me ride on his back and all, like me very own horse he is. Nothing is fleeter except Toby, but I can tell Toby lets us win a lot, when he…he only just pretends to bruise his heel and makes such a fuss he does, he…he’s so funny that way!” “Well, how do ya know his just playing around with ya, then?” I further inquired. “Oh, Toby just beams a great, big, ole smile with a wink he…he does.”

Our Tom Tom answered now…grinning from ear to ear he was.” Oh, I see then, he’s a mighty good friend to do that for ya, you couldn’t ask for a better one if ya tried.” And so I finally asked, this being any good time as another,” When did ya first happen to see our Toby?” Being more curious than ever was I, as he then inquired of me, “Do ya remember when ya just started to clearing away the field?”  “As if only yesterday, I know it like it was the back of me own hand.” I most happily responded in kind, as he then told, “Well, I was just playing along with me wee Christmas boats ya made for me…me in the little burn (stream), in the wood. When all of a sudden like,” he said,” I seen these great, big, ole, square teeth just a-shinning me…me back in the water…that’s when I met’em a-first, and ever since he’s always waited for me…me at the edge of the wood.”  And then as I was thinking to myself, I had known Toby now for a good while and hadn’t so much as heard nary a word from him, nor even a complaint for that matter. I tell ya a clam couldn’t be any snugger...why, his tongue was wound up tighter than an eight day clock towards me and the rest of my family, all except for our wee Tom Tom, of course, for always around him he became a real chatterbox he did. And before I could finish asking me questions my Cathy called out and said, “Tom Tom, don’t ya forget to take Toby his cornbread and baked potatoes. I also have some peppers for him, you know how he likes them peppers so much. Tell him they will be the last until next harvest, so be eat’em sparingly will ya.” Then she said, “be careful with those baddy bogles (phantoms ) out there, the woods be thick with’em this time of year…and hungry too, as fleas on a dog they are. Now run along with your gallivanting, and if ya be a good boy, I’ll have some chappit tatties (mash potatoes) and cheese waiting on ya for your supper.” And therefore not wanting it to slip her mind she further told,” And, oh, don’t ya be forgetting to tell Toby we love’em, and he’s always in our thoughts and prayers…could ya tell him that for your momma, dear.” And that’s just how I remembered it. But anyhow, let me get back to telling me brother Newly’s dilemma. I’ll start ya off right where we left, and this is how it occurred. For now unbeknown to me brother, as being conveyed by the British, that he or either me neighbor Flann O’Connor had given the barrel end of their Hawkins (Oh, I just guess it was the luck of the Irish and all, at least on his part, for me brother couldn’t hit the broadside of a barn all painted red if he tried. For more of a farmer he was than a soldier) to a bright, new, young lieutenant, by the name of Johnathan Chadwick Jr., killing him on the very spot his men all swore. And oh boy, how these facts would later be made most painfully aware to us in the starkest of terms. For I tell ya, it would be like all the curses ever mentioned in scripture were to fall upon me at once, minus the hell fire, of course, which I’m now about relate to ya as bestly as I can…that is if ya have the stomach for it. For as it turned, little John Jr. was a chip right off his old father’s backside, John Chadwick the elder, as being they Tories and loyalist to both king and crown they were. And too not neglecting the fact, that they only homesteaded just a couple valleys over, into Lancaster County from this very spot, in which I write. And thus the rumors about them flew as thick and dark as Mississippi mud, in not the fondest regards to either of’em, being they mostly despised for their cruelty and such. So, it was said that his little John Jr. was the very twisted image of his cracked father, and being he his fruit, of course, the dung didn’t fall far from the horse when either one of’em were concerned. Well, his father as was his father before were wealthy land owners, a plantation, in fact it was, where they owned a whole slew of slaves, farming mostly cotton and tobacco, and too could be seen in bold letters just above their gate spelled out these very words in Latin, Circus Maximus, for I seen it once before in me travels abroad, so I know this part was true.

Now, as me brother told, he had on occasion seen John Chadwick Sr. only twice in his life, like once wasn’t already enough of’em, as he further went on with his ranting bluster and exclaimed,” Why, he’s the biggest, meanest, looking Norseman you’d just about ever lad your eyes on, and don’t be expecting no fair handshake from him, either. Why, he’d be selling his own hell bound soul to the devil himself if he thought he could make a dollar in the trade…as anyone else for that matter the same goes, he’ll swick  (swindle) if ya dicker with him…he’d be cutting your thought and not thinking twice about doing so. I tell ya, brother, one day he’s  going to be poking that fat finger of his in the wrong face, and I want to be standing there to see it get broke off and shoved down his big, blabbering mouth…let’s see’em do some talking then shall we.” And then he laughed and said with a smirk, for me brother was always good at smirking as well as complaining he was,” But the devil need not buy a second what he already holds, for he owns that toothless son of a cur lock, stock, and barrel from the first time his mother lad hands on’em…a real nasty snack in the grass he is, and he doesn’t much like us Irish either if the truth be known!” And then he went on to say,” Do you also know he quite fancies himself as being some sort of a pharaoh or king or something of the like. I’ve heard tell he has these two, great, big cats called Titus and Nero, brothers lions they are since the nest, and trained’em to kill he has. Real whoppers I heard tell, a sight to behold …each right at eight hundred pounds if not only more…nothing you’d want to be traipsing around in the coille (wood) with if you knew they were lurking about, that’s for sure.” And then he went on to say,” He also has this Waccamaw fella living there, who goes by the name of Half-Breed Willie, on account, his mother was French or something. I think the dirty bugger is some kind of boss over Chadwick’s vast holdings, and no crazier Betsy-bug you’ll ever find I swear. And if ya ever have the sorry displeasure of see’em, you’ll be stomp’em on the floor if you had the right mind to. And then he further informed, “For one reason or another his kin had a potbelly liquor full of’em and was givin’ him the shunning, like some kind of bad medicine or something he was practicing.”

And then he said,” Here’s the strangest part, a while back he trapped some kind of wild beast’s wee cub in the dark country, and raised it he did with the young lions.” “Whoa there,” I said, fearing something bad was happening to another Toby like fella,” pray tell, what exactly the beastie goes by?” Then me brother scratched his head and pondered for a second, I could tell he was giving the ole millworks (head) a good going over, as he then soon explained with an air of befuddlement plastered across his face, “I don’t really recall it now, it’s like it strode off into a black hole in me mind, but I’m sure they must call it something, it just can’t be hey you or what’s-his- face I’m sure.” Then nextly me brother got his breeches all in a bunch, as he chided me for the interruption and griped (for he was also good at griping too don’t ya know), “Now would ya let me get on with me tale before ya break me stride,” “Well, get on with it then, I’m all ears.” I replied, as I intently listened away hanging onto me brother’s every word. “Now where was I?” He said, “Oh yes, I remember now what I was telling ya before, the beastie is like some kind of blood-stick hound from the old country, you know like the stories grandpa used to tell about his sheep coming up missing, perhaps a dog or two every now and again?”  “Yes,” I answered, “I remember it well, like a giant, black wolf he told. Didn’t he also say something about it being crippled up, so it had to scamper along on its hind legs?” And then I suddenly recollected, as I was running off at me mouth and exclaimed, “Ooh…Ooh, and there’s this other one where he told it had these huge, hand, like paws with big, black nails covering it, all but the length of daggers he swore they were.”  ”I know, I know,” me brother irritably replied,” which can wrap around a dinner plate with room to spare enough…I was there to don’t ya know when he was telling it.” Well then, I thought to myself, that doesn’t sound like our Toby friend or any other of his kind, thank goodness for that…I was happy to hear it I was. Then me brother told me something truly horrible, it was about what John Chadwick’s blacksmith had said to him,” Sadly, the poor souls that are imprisoned there on his farm are treated worse than animals…less than dirt, and when one was up to mischief,( as all their overseers call it), or try to escape or something like that, or anything they may catch wind of, for that matter, their dread, dark, lord Chadwick will raise his eyebrow to’em and tell, “Now look at what you’ve done…you made me cut my eye at ya.” And then he would say, “Boy, you just bought something you can’t eat!’ Then their murder meister (master) would have them hauled off to a ring of sorts a-kicking and a-screaming all the way, you know like the kind from the old Roman days, and make’em scrap it out with whatever they can grab.” And then me brother asked me and said with a most dyer expression upon his face, “And what ya presume they do with the winners ya think?” ” Well,” I said,” I pray they’ll give’em their freedom, of course…don’t they?” “Well,’ me brother replied,” they’ll be finding no such favor in their masters eyes…black and dead they are as cold as his heart! For the poor winner,” he continued,” if you can call him as such…well, let’s just say for argument sake there be no winners at all, but for their lord Chadwick himself.” Then I inquired of me brother, “What dark manner of thing are ya insinuating here?” “Frank,” he said, “don’t be such a dunderhead.” “What ya telling me?” I answered back with a snap. “Do I have to spell it out for ya?”

Me brother remarked,” Don’t ya know the poor winners get sent either to the lions or that hell hound of his…just like wee lambs off to the slaughter they are…men shouldn’t be made to live this way, but live they do. And here’s another thing that’ll straighten your elflocks (hair), he sends that crazy, Indian fella of his to the auction blocks, from Boston to New York I hear say, you know those really big ones they have up there?” “Yes,” I replied in me disgust,” I’m afraid I’ve heard of it, I only wish I could say I haven’t.” “Well,” me brother continued,” he sends him there to buy the old and infirm for real cheap like, and they’re never seen hide nor hair again, that’s for sure. Now what would they be doing with poor, wore out folks anyway one may suppose?” Then further exclaiming me brother said, “You figure the cats were bad enough already, but that dog of his, well that’s the one you have to be worrying about, a real clever one he is, for I heard tell the two brother lions he has wrapped around his little finger as they follow his every lead…not one to be messing with if ya don’t want to be drawing back a bloody nub were your arm used to be.” “Oh, I then thought to myself, me brother and his bright ideas and I thought I was the only story teller in the family, I guess I was wrong. But still it made me mind to wonder, what else lies beyond them yonder hills out there, and most frightfully I would no sooner find out. I should’ve kept me blooming mouth shut, as too now I heard my Cathy’s words a-sounding off in me head,” Be careful what ya be wishing for, Frank, ya just might get it gift wrapped to ya someday.”  May God have mercy on me for thinking, but the dye was already cast and there was nothing for me to do but try to live through it. For the very next morning, my brother was a-pounding on me door with his arm still drooping in a sling yelling as he said,” Flann O’Connor and his two sons are dead, something had torn them apart in the wood, not a mile from where we stand!” “Dear Lord, what happened…what were they doing out there!?” I most fearfully asked. “Hunting coons,” me brother said,” and all three were armed…it ate the arms and legs clean off Flann’s corpse and frolicked in his blood it did. Why, it even killed his dogs. It was a fearful sight not meant for sane eyes to fall upon…a-many a-sober man will be cracking open the O’ be joyful all the earlier today, and downing the whole jug they will, and that’s for a-certain sure! ”

Poor old Flann, I thought he had about as much sense as he had hair upon his head, but one thing was for certain, he was an excellent marksmen, there was no doubt about that. Then me brother frightfully told, “The constable ( being he not a guessing man ) thinks it’s some kind of bear or something , he’s not for sure. There was too many leaves and brush around to get any clear tracks, but whatever it is, it’s big…real big!”  Then me brother now throwing his sling upon me floor said, “Frank, go get your gun we got some killing to do!” “But I haven’t even had me breakfast yet.” I replied. “Stop your belly aching, you can shovel it down later.” He told, as he then came up real good one and said,” What ya doing just standing there with your hands in your pockets…playing billiards are we? We got to go, Frank…now!” And then I said, “ Hold on for just a-plum minute here, where’s Tom Tom I asked Ruthann and Elizabeth, which then turned with their bulging eyes towards my Cathy, as she then most fearfully replied whilst covering her open mouth, with her quivering hand,” Heee’s in the wood, Frank.” Well, my poor darling could barely get the words out, and as I then swallowed the lump in me throat, I told my Cathy, “Now don’t ya be fretting any, we’ll be back directly with our little Tom Tom safe and sound we will.” And so after scrounging some meager provisions together, me brother and I quickly made our track across the field and through the wood, just to the little burn where our Tom Tom first met his Toby friend, a-hollering and a-calling all the way we were, with nothing but silence being our stony reply. With once only a lone whippoorwill answering from somewhere on high, upon its lofty perch was the only sound we perceived. And with still no word from him, we moved ever deeper into the dark wood, in our search, now traipsing upon an old Indian trail we had stumbled upon. And as the long hours passed me thoughts grew evermore fearful for my child’s wellbeing, when all of a sudden reality hit me like an oak plank across me ole nut noggin, as it thus imparted its wisdom straight to me brainpan -- I haven’t told anything to Newly in regards to our Toby. But I thought oh well, I needn’t have to for they would hear us a-hollering and a-calling and Toby would just simply slip away as all the other times before. How something so big can be so quiet, why, he could be standing right there in front of ya and ya never be the wiser, unless he moved, of course, and then he’d be upon ya and ya be knowing nothing then…if he meant to hurt ya that is. And thus I reasoned to myself, Frank, stop your fool worrying now, Tom Tom is in the safest place he could be…he’s in the company of our Toby.

And then I reassured myself with this most wishful thought -- you know the kind of thought which is not that much different from a lie, ya just curl yourself up in it like a warm, soft quilt and feel all the better, as then me mind came up with this one -- Oh, there just mucking about, most likely climbing trees or skipping stones or something, he’s like a second father to’em don’t ya know. And as I then tried to remember, as I asked myself what was that very thing my Tom Tom said…oh yes, it was,” Toby can climb through trees as quickly as running on the ground…and why, when he flings a chuckie (pebble) I never once before seen him miss.” Yes, that was the very thing me son told me. I guess I was only trying to convince myself with charming little thoughts like so, rather than plaguing myself with the ghastlier ones. Oh well, it did its job for a season or two, but now as me luck would have it, the sun was growing quite past its time and muchly belated, as it was being cradled low in the sky, thus heralding the ever approaching nightfall upon us. Why, we had been walking for hours and our voices were showing the worse for their wear, for cause of all our yelling and such.

And as we progressed onward just a tad, bit further, in this our ever ceaseless ferreting just a-hollering away we were, when therefore we entered upon this little, wee, speck of glade in the wood, when me brother Newly hoarsely complained,” Frank, if we don’t stop here and rest for a spell I’m going to kick off and die. Besides, me arm is throbbing something terrible like, and if I yell Tom Tom’s name just once more, I’m going to strip out me voice box for sure.” Of which I said, “Do ya really thank so, now?”  “I tell ya,” me brother replied,” I could grate garlic on me ole vocal cords right about now if I was to be trying.” So, obliging me bother, we sat there for a while just a-frittering away, upon a rock the dell had most graciously provided for our weary bones, with the rustling wind just a-breezing through the trees above us…just in this little clearing in the midst of the coille (wood). With still a dread worry just a-gnawing away at the back of me brain, as I sat there trying to think up new lies to comfort myself. And just as suddenly, when speaking of the little devil himself, wouldn’t ya know me son came galloping up, within the very field, in which we sat, bestride his Chunook. And seeing he being confounded, me brother raised his Hawkins in fear towards them, as to fire his weapon. Whereas, just as quickly I put me hand over the powder pan of his rifle and yelled, “Blast-it, Newly, that’s me wee youngin’ and dog, no less!”  “I didn’t even know ya had a pooch,” me brother exclaimed,” and by thunder it’s a wolfie I swear!” “Well, I angrily replied,” you almost killed one or the both of’em for sure!” And, of course, I wasn’t counting on me young Tom Tom come bounding up in front of me brother, and all of God’s creation for that matter…to say the very least. When then all of a sudden we heard Tom Tom just a-yelling and pointing his finger like there was something eyeballing us from our blindsides, and sure enough some big cat had been stalking us all the way, and was just about ready to pounce when me brother started to his a-hollering. I tell ya it sounded like his heart had just dropped into his skivvy’s or something…oh, it was all pretty bad from what I could hear, it was as if the end of the world had just happened if ya know what I mean…it was just that bad it really was. And thus not being able to crane me stoved up head so good anymore, since me hanging and all, I jumping to a full stand, as I wheeled myself around just in the nick of time was I, to catch me ham-fisted brother firing his gun and missing, no less. I couldn’t believe it, for even now its hot breath was nearly upon us…why, if it was any closer, it would have been sitting in our laps it would. And then for one reason or another I found myself just a-yelling out Toby’s name. I couldn’t help myself; I couldn’t have stopped though if I tried.

​It was like something had snapped and come over me don’t ya know. But even still I had begun to level me gun towards the now charging beast, I don’t even remember doing it, but yet I somehow squeezed off me trigger striking it just below its lower left eye – all a flaming bright yellow was it to be, as our eyes met…I can never forget it. Which this, oh boy, only seemed to make it all the madder, it was like kicking an angry hornet’s nest…why, I never seen anything so spiteful before in all me life. As now all me poor brother and I could do was try our best to flee for our lives, without stumbling over our two, dumb, left feet, or knocking each other’s brains out, in this our most bungling attempt. Which let me tell ya, it wasn’t cutting any…it was no contest at all. For that thing was really hauling the letters, like a courier’s mount with its bobtail all a-fiery blaze…it had a real hotfoot for us let me tell ya, and a most unbearable thing it was, as the long seconds stood still not wanting to let go, in the least. It was like our legs weren’t moving at all, no matter how hard we tried. It was as all of our effort accounted for not, we were in a real spot of trouble we figured, with no way out…were we to be barred at every move we made. As now with me poor, old peepers just a- straining down two dark tunnels, I think I was just about getting ready to faint I was. When, alas, it couldn’t have occurred any sooner…just in the nick of time it was, and let me tell ya, that was no mere stretch by any means. When hence our most gratefully eyes as if fell upon our most beloved Savior himself, for it was to be our bravely Chunook now a-high tailing-it past us, with his ever leapful bounds so strong and sturdy they were. And in this our deathly reprieve, I turned me sickly countenance towards their fracas, and so I could tell was he not then squaring off…round and round he circuited the now wounded beast, just a-raging away in all its angry bluster it was, and, indeed, a most terrible fit the thing was throwing, for it had a lot of weight to throw around, it most surely did. When then just as quickly I beheld he and Chunook were caught up together, as if in some clouded, swirling tangle of tooth and claw just a-going away at it. And I wouldn’t be lying if I be telling ya it was a most terrible ruckus, and no truer dustup there ever was I swear, as the fur came a-flying off as some great, fearful storm just a-blowing in as a Nor ‘Easter down upon us, with all its woeful might. And so then as two ole magpies (misers) whilst hoarding our bated breath most stingily, I and me brother now sharply turned our attention back towards to the whole, ugly matter of killing, as to render our devotion unto it with some more hot led, as we both now most frantically resolved to ram another ball down. When all of a sudden the giant lion had Chunook penned to the ground, and was just about to go in for the kill for sure, and that was for a-certain.

When then as out of nowhere, as if a stroke of lightning riding upon the mighty gales of a hurricane, it was just that fast if not only quicker. Why, I didn’t even hear him approaching, but nevertheless he was amongst us instantly. For it was to be our Toby now holding he was unwaveringly to the lion’s beefy rump, (its hindquarters) and therefore seeing just as swiftly he had begun finagling it wholeheartedly above his woolly brow, now thrashing it he was over and over again, upon the very rock our posteriors were before polishing, or rather situated on if that be making it sound any better for ya, but sitting there we once were, nonetheless. Now making it was such a most dreadful, smacking sound that surely I thought the rock should soon split, for it even made the very earth dance around our feet in its tremble, for so truly strident it was. As now all we could do was just stand there all weak kneed like, with our stomachs just a-churning away. When just as abruptly the thrashing ceased from its terrible smacking, as thusly the big, cat’s life had forsaken its flesh, and in so doing, it went deathly limp in Toby’s hands. And in due order, he left the lion he had just slain, all sprawled out there upon the bleeding rock, once he was fully certain its twitching had settled down for good…we sure didn’t want no more repeats of that let me tell ya, for I didn’t think me poor, ole heart could take another bout of that…and that’s for sure. “Oh well,” I then said to myself, after I commenced with me breathing yet again, “I guess I’m going to have tell Newly about our Toby friend after all.” When me brother told now appearing more pestered than scared, “Frank, have ya been holding out on me, is there not something you’re telling your dear brother?” And so now the issue being forced down me throat I said, “Newly, this is our Toby friend. Toby, this is me brother Newly…just so ya know.” But most sadly me explanations would have to wait for a gladder time to be, for, indeed, our Toby’s poor Chunook bore the worst of the beating, and was he not grievously wounded, as then I most sternly said with a warning, for cause of what went in me brother’s ears, went straight out of his mouth, “Newly, don’t ya be telling no tales about our Toby friend, or we won’t be breathing the same air no more, for brothers we’ll no longer be I swear.” “You can rest assure there won’t be no flapping of the lips.” Me brother said, as I could tell it had all began to sink through his pig headed skull, and now it was as if his tongue was floundering all about his mouth, with a real bad case of the tangle foot and swore he,” I won’t be doing no blabbing…I give ya my word. For that big fella pulled us out of the vary jaws of death, itself. Why, I thought we all were going to give up the ghost for sure…I was getting all prayed up don’t ya know…I thought my bloody heart was going to come flopping right out of me chest I did.” “As was I.” I replied.  And in his conclusion he avowed,” I’ll strike on oath on it, that we should all be filling out that big, cat’s innards by now, of which there’s no doubt!” And that’s when I overheard my wee, son Tom Tom just a-crying as he prayed,” God, don’t let Chunook die? Please, please don’t let he…he…him die!?”

Oh, it was all sadder than a chapel raised to the ground it was. And as I just stood there listening to me poor son, I knew we had to do something, instead of just standing there whilst twiddling our thumbs together and studying the holes in our shoes. So, trying hard to choke back me tears, and after sucking it all up I said,” Tom Tom,” which, of course, he didn’t answer at first being he lost in his sadness and all, so this time I spoke up just a wee, bit louder and said,” Open your ears, Tom Tom, we have to get Chunook home to give him some doctoring to. Now ya know your momma is real good at sewing things up, and he’s going to need some sewing. So, I want ya to get Toby if ya please, to take you and Chunook home as fast as his legs can carry. I need ya to be lickity-split no time quick for your ole da…can ya do it for me, son?” “Yes, da.” Me poor, sorrowful child replied with a wet sniffle, as he then wiped the tears from his misty eyes. Oh, it all stung me right betwixt the lungs in the very heart, for I tell ya right now, I would have rather cut off me own true, right arm to see anything happen to that dog of theirs, for I knew how very much Tom Tom and Toby loved him so. And thus I instructed him and said, “Tell ya momma not to be doing any of her worrying now, we won’t be far behind. Now go my child and be lively about it, we haven’t a second to lose…go…go now and be twice as quick.” And it was as if Toby understood me every saying, as he was rocking Chunook back and forth in the shelter of his mighty arms from whence it all began, as he now ever so gentle lowered them for Tom Tom, and just as quickly they were gone without a single twig snapping, not a sound, not a trace of them to be spied, no legs were ever swifter I swear. And if that’s not already bad enough for ya, here’s the other thing we didn’t know at the time, that Half-Breed Willie and the other two remaining beasts were in our vicinity, and all headed up, of course, by their dark, lord Chadwick himself, no less, and was fast gaining ground upon us, as I and me brother made our long track back through the wood.

Now John was just about as bright as peering down a dark well, upon a moonless night and twice as cold was he since either me brother or Flann had killed his son, and now revenge was the only thing he pondered continually, as he was often heard yelling from atop his balcony whilst raving,” I want to hear’em screaming blood! I want to see’em torn limb from limb! I want the meat peeled from their ever-mother-lovin’ bones! I’ll be putting my thumbscrews to ya do you hear!” As he shook his most vengeful fist towards the heavens, as striking at the very face of God himself and meaning every last word of it…as it soon turned out to be in our case.  And mind ya, all doing so over a fella that wasn’t even worth the powder and shot to blow his worthless brains out! Oh well, I guess you can only call it a father’s love. Now, meanwhile, back on the trail me brother was conveying in his same ole usual way as he told,” I’ve heard tell the Cherokee speak of some sort of clan of giants which live deep in the wood. I thought it was all fairies and magic and such, you know like tricksters pulling rabbits out of their hats. As I live and breathe I never believed it was real for once, just stories to keep youngin’s from making mischief and all.”

And such was our conversations when me brother wasn’t humming or whistling his silly tunes. But nevertheless, we hastened our footsteps, in this the ever darkening wash of the eventide, (evening) as it came a-flowing in over us as some befouling, dread ocean it was, banishing our worlds ever fleeting light…dimmer and dimmer still it greweth as a plague of greatly despair, befallen our very way. And, of course, its ramblings being faster than ours, we would not make it home before the pitch of night, but at least there was to be an early moonrise we thought. When then I started to feeling about as cheery as a wintry February just banking off the midnight, a-tumbling down towards some dark, dread, ominous horizon where the good Lord only knows what awaited for us there, but whatever it was me brother and I felt that it wasn’t anything good natured, as he then stopped from his incessant whistling of ‘Chickens on the porch, Guineas on the roof’ and said,” Frank, ya see that clomp of trees up ahead where the path bends?  Something is telling me to go around; it’s giving me the creepy-jibbers real bad like.” “Aw, stop your fooling.” I said with his shrill whistle still ringing in me ears, and too not wanting to be spooked any more than I already was. “I’m not fooling,” he whispered with the icy jitters,” it feels like the hairs on the back of me neck are having a jamboree, a real hootenanny…their dancing all over the place they are. Why, it’s as if their having a New Year’s Eve or something going on back there.” “What be causing it do ya suppose?” I asked now being more skittish than ever before. “I’m not certain, “he said,” just something about it doesn’t set right with me, you know like an icy hand crawling up your shirt and all.” Are ya sure of this, “I said, “because I’m not really feeling so good either right about now?” …for as it turned, I too was feeling the same deathly hand up me shirt, all covered with hangnails, no less. “Yes, best just to mosey on around if the mood be telling ya.” He replied. And before I could say “Okay then, let’s quit our swithering (hesitating) and be quick about it.” When therefore just as swiftly as snapping your fingers a shot rang out, hitting me poor brother Newly in his good shoulder, knocking him to the ground as he yelled, “Oh, dear Lord, Frank, I’ve been shot again!”

And as I was drawing me rifle up, another shot came just a-whizzing pass me ear, when then I too fired me gun towards the same muzzle flash striking some wild eyed, crazed, engine fella (Who I now know as Half -Breed Willie) in his high buttoned collar, dropping him stone dead where he stood. And as I reached for me brother’s gun, as to take another shot, there was like a big foot or something standing on it. And as I now oh ever so slowly raised me fearful eyes up towards it, not really wanting to see what it was, but going against me better judgement, I most sheepishly did anyhow, to only find that there was now a very large, wolf-like thing looming over me, in some sort of deadly pause it was, just waiting to strike its death upon me for sure. I nearly peed on myself as I yelled,” Dear merciful God in heaven have pity on us poor sinners!” It was like all my grandfather’s stories about the blood stick hound, for there was one now standing over me just slobbering and a-snarling and showing its angry teeth off. As then most horribly it had reached down and wrapped its big, smelly hand around my face as it lifted me up, as well as me poor brother with its mighty other, and thus had hoisted us high above its head, with our legs just hanging out there in the wind. When suddenly it was as if I was slapped in both of me ears all at once, with the most hellish howl, as from the very pit of hell itself, which, of course, helped to drown out all of I and me poor brother’s blood curdling screams. I swear, I could still smell its moldering victims wafting upon its breath, and mingled too was it with some other kind of unearthly whiff, God only knows what, which only slightly masked its bloody stench…oh, it was so very foul, how it reeked. But, alas, the howl couldn’t endure forever, and thus within its silent lull we heard a lone voice as raising above the twitter-light (evening twilight), it was that of Chadwick the elder now laughing as he said, as he dreweth his knife across his bare arm, as if though he was renewing this his most sinful pledge,” I’ll be putting my thumbscrews to ya now, paddy boys, and there’s nothing in hell, or abiding in the glory upon high, nor wee pismire scurrying on God’s green earth, which can stop me from giving ya a good once-over…do ya hear me, now.” Then he told as with a fiery gleam in his eyes, within the dark flowing’s of his blood, as he therefore clasped his hands together whilst giving his knuckles a quick snap,” Praise unto Diana, goddess of the hunt, for delivering mine enemies unto thine servant’s most vengeful hand! Oh, how I longed for this day of days, we’re going to have a real, grand, ole time of it. I can’t say though you’ll be liking it any, but as for my confession, I wouldn’t be missing it for all the tea in China. I’m just not razzing your berries, boys, I’m giving ya the facts, and facts are all I deal with from aurora’s golden dawn to Scotus’ eternal night…year in and year out, it’s always been the same.” As he then informed us of how hungry his beastie was as he then told,” You must forgive my friend, he hadn’t scrap since morning and he’s grown exceedingly famished. However, what I can tell ya what he lacks in etiquette, he makes up for with his appetite…oh boys, he’s a real sloppy eater just ya wait and see.” And before he could finish with his saying of bon appetite, after smooching his powdered, flashed fingers with a wet, slobbery smack, I began pleading with him, as I then asked not knowing he held a dark grudge against us and all, “What evil thing we’ve done to ya to be deserving this foul treatment…why ya be hating us so!?” Then giving us the sharp tongue, he snippily gave his answer as if he was going to haul off and bust that very instant and replied, “Do ya see that bleeding brother of yours, we have a long list of debts to be settled up!” “What manner of a thing he be owning ya, then?” I besought.  

And thusly with a piercing shriek he cried out and gave his answer, “He’s taken from me my pride and joy, my reason for being, my only son, my very own namesake was he! He was to have everything I owned, all my worldly possessions were to be his and now he’s dead, just as dead as you’re all going to be!” And then cutting me off, before I could get another word in edgewise he most calmly told, within the demeanor his most icy tone,” Oh, it’s time to square the ledger and pay the devil his wage…there’s too much read ink in the books between us, and it’s to be canceled forthwith…this is not going to be easy nor slow for ya I swear on my son’s cold, dead grave.” And then it was as if he propositioned us with that smugly, twisted smile of his, just as bitter as a batch of sour lemons it was, as he went on and most merrily told,” Ah boys, we’ll be starting up a fine, new enterprise together we will. But let me tell ya, it won’t be anything like chopping cotton in my fields for ya.” And then he informed us, on something or the other about there was no difference in the slaying of a rodent and the killing of an Irishmen and said,” But the killing of you is going to be all the sweeter.” And then as he most oddly giggled, as he went further and further around the bend and told,  “ I feel about as crisp as a brand new dollar, we’re going to have a real good, ole time of it, you can take it to the bank.” And dang-it, wouldn’t ya know, before I could begin begging for our lives, me dumb brother Newly started shooting off at the mouth, which made me most scunnered (irritated) with him in fact, that I could have strangled him with me very own two hands myself, as both of our lives swung there on that shifting, shoogly (unsteady) peg of ours, as he then informed me as if like I wasn’t already privy to the fact, that Chadwick was off his kilter, as he then affirmed within his very earshot,” Frank,” for me brother immediately recognized him as he exclaimed, “the man is daft, as crazy as can be! Why, he’s wilder than a loon he is!” And, of course, he wasn’t fibbing, for where the tongue often goofs, it says in all honesty. So, thinking fast to cover for me brother’s crabbit (ill- temper) temper I tried to bargain with the devil and said,” Can’t ya see me brother is a simpleton, he didn’t mean a lick of it I swear!?  If I’m double dealing with ya, may lightening part me hair down its middle if no truth is to be found in me words!” And as I was waiting there, just listening for the thunder’s boom he told as if he wouldn’t hear any more of it, “Fellas, I hate to have to be the one to inform ya, but my physician tells me that I have this unusual condition. In fact, he says it’s going to kill me someday…it’s called…I don’t give a-care, do ya savvy!? You can do all the praying and crying…weeping and wailing, and gnashing of the teeth ya want, it’s not like it’s going to help ya any. Because now I got my vice on ya and he ain’t going to let ya go, until I hear ya screaming with blood as your arms and legs are coming off. “And before I could further reason with him, Chadwick had no sooner cut his evil eye at us whilst he mockingly chuckled, as like we were about to soon get ours for sure and said, “Boys, you just bought something ya can’t eat.” I couldn’t believe it, he said the very same thing me brother Newly heard tell…I can only guess the blacksmith wasn’t lying, but what good what that be doing for us now, since we were soon to be leaving this world in baskets I figured. And as Chadwick was carrying on with his gloating, as he then told us something or the other about getting even and said, “You see fellas, vengeance is a meal best taken when it’s been dipped in blood, your blood in particular.” As then we heard Chadwick called out onto his beastie friend by name with these instructions, as a father would his child, “Now, Anubis (for the Egyptian god of the dead was to be his given name, by his cruel, dark master as it turned) , I want ya to be a good boy for your big daddy (for the late Half-Breed Willie was his little daddy, of course) and start stripping the flesh from their bones, but go easy on’em at first, I want to hear’em screaming for a real long, long time do ya hear…now commence with your peeling of’em.”  And then it was as if he just most horribly remembered something, and thus concluded he with his mean sayings against us,” And oh, don’t ya be forgetting the parts ya peel off of’em, make sure ya make’em watch ya eat.” As he then looked straight at us and said with the most grotesque grin, “And after he’s finished with ya, I’ll be gutting what’s left of ya with my pig-sticker (knife) for good measure I will.” Now me mind was reeling with all the painful prescriptions of torture ever giving throughout the annuls of history, and this by far seemed the worst of them.

With Fox’s Book of Martyrs being foremost in me thoughts, as I beheld me poor brother’s garish eyes peering through the creature’s parted fingers, still wrapped around his head, no less. It wasn’t any sight meant for the faint of heart, as all the while its hungry teeth were just a-clattering away and a-glaring as its drool ran across me face. Why, I could still see pieces of poor Flann now caught betwixt them, on account, for me very nose was practically in its mouth the whole time. Oh boy, I felt like the foremost nag on the unplowed side. I was going to have a real rough go of it for sure, let me tell ya. With me poor, back bone broke and all, in hell, with the devil just a-skipping rope on it, with his sorry, ole clodhoppers, no doubt. As then most frightfully were we to be giving a more proper introduction to the creature, as the hellish hound now flung down me brother and secured him snuggly beneath his massive foot, as if though it was trying to squeeze out Newly’s last, Sunday’s supper or something. Whilst I then beheld within its cruelly concert, it was all the while shoving its angry dewclaw straight through his leg, like some great, dark, tent peg it was now driven into the earth, to all me poor brother’s most painful cry’s, on account, of the merciless monster liked to jiggle it around just a little bit, to make him do so all the louder, with this his most grimly deed, indeed, it was. And even so when Chadwick wasn’t clapping his smarmy hands together, he was slapping his knees whilst saying as he so madly caroled along, “Sing…sing…sing for me…play’em like a harp…give me a symphony…make’em hit all the high notes for me now! Just give your daddy a little melody so he can dance to, and add some more color to it if you please?” As then he most gleefully went on to tell, “A duet would be much better. What we need is another voice to join in the chorus, and it would be most capital then… wouldn’t you all agree? Now oblige your big daddy, Anubis, by giving him some more harmony…for you know how much your daddy loves his harmony he does.” And lastly he told with his arms all enfolded about himself, as if locked in some long, savoring embrace of the moment, as he most weirdly rocked back and forth where he stood,” Ah, never fear, paddy boys, your ole windpipes are going to be sweetly playing along soon…come hell or high-water you can put your trust in it. And you do trust me now, don’t ya, fellas? For you see I’ve never gone back on a blood oath…I’m a man of my word, and my word is all that I have left…only cold words to hold to my breast and no son.” And as I hung there in me doom, we no longer said nothing, for what wise thing could we say to convince him otherwise, when it was clear the man’s mind was already made up for us. We were done for and we both knew it, it wasn’t like we were parleying with somebody sane or something. And as he kept on yattering away, with his nonsense, it grew evermore apparent that he was only trying to cause us more discomfort, like we wasn’t already suffering enough for him, with these his most accursed sayings. And let me tell ya, I didn’t know how much more I could stomach it, I almost wished he would shut up and get on with it already, in putting us out of our misery and all. When nextly wouldn’t ya know, he just had to open up that stinking loo (outhouse) of his, in which he passed off as a mouth, as he then most snidely inquired about our silence and asked,” What’s this; does Anubis have your tongue…have ya nothing to say for yourselves, now?  You know it’s not nice to be giving your old schoolmaster the silent treatment, and ya know how I don’t like to be giving the silent treatment…don’t we?”

As he then said appearing all the more displeased, do to the lack of our groveling,” Shall we be discussing the weather then, like if you can do anything about it?” And therefore being entirely fed-up with us, he finally told as if wanting to get back to his joyful jollies, in a hurry,” Paddy boys, do you know what my only lament is?” And as we still said nothing to him, he gave us his answer; anyway as we both bit away on our tongues, “That this moment shan’t last forever. Oh, it would be ever so parliamentary if it could last forever and ever and ever…if only I could kill you twice, it would be a grand, ole picnic then, wouldn’t it?” And then as he was most crazily making more stuff up, he answered himself and said though as if he was coming up more than just a couple of eggs short of a baker’s dozen,” And the whole congregation shouts in the affirmative…and the yeas have it! I’m so very glad you all agree. But now it’s time for us to get down to brass-tacks…and oh, paddies, I’m going to be nailing ya down real good I am…right to the bloody floor.” And thusly he commanded Nimbus by saying,” Now teach these boys some manners, and let your schooling begin with that one over there.” For in saying this, I can only gauge he wanted to do me first, to make me brother suffer all the more. And too being it the simple fact, that he was giving me his grubby finger, on account, it had fallen upon me. Oh, the old boy was handing out the short lots and I was to be standing at the very head of the line I was, in which there was to be no misgivings about. And so just then doing what his big daddy had told, his huge, black, beastie friend began to draw its long, dark claws down me back. I swear it was as if the sound of new canvas tearing, shredding me thick coat unto tatters, upon what was to be its firstly pass. And then as he raised his deadly hand for a second, it would soon draw its straight razor-like nails across me bare flesh…when suddenly… I was most violently thrown to the ground, knocking all the air out of me ole windbags, as I just saw two dark forms a-tumbling end over end, off into the long shadows, of the thicket before us. And, alas, I heard that sound I only heard once before in all me life. The last time I heard it four murdering rouges had all perished by his hand, for it was that of our Toby’s most mightily roar! Indeed, it was the loveliest tune to these pining ears of mine, as I then thanked God I said to myself,” He hadn’t left us all to ourselves, he came back to see in on us for sure!” And the very truth being, we were already halfway lost and taking too much time, for I and me brother Newly were not very good woodsmen to say the least, for this wild country wasn’t anything like Ireland, with its emerald pastures just a-rolling out like all the peaceful fields of Shiloh, as broadly as the land could embrace…just as far as the east abides from the west it was. So, I guess the big fella was starting to taken to a-worrying for us, as too now me thoughts turned to fretting for our Toby’s sake, for this beastie was as nearly as big as he and well fed to boot…it definitely hadn’t been missing no meals I could tell. As too the dark woods were now fraught with the most terrible sounds, as howls preceded roars, roars preceded howls. As all the while the hellish hound was a-biting and a-slashing whilst Toby was just a-beating it around its big, ugly face and neck, with his fists as two hundred angry pounds of iron sledges (sledgehammers) they were. When then most frightfully Chadwick, after getting over his greatly surprise of our Toby’s most sudden appearance had thus rallied his senses back together and exclaimed,” Well, I’ll be damned and poked by a firebrand! Aren’t we the biggest, romping, stomping-nest fella now!?” As he then called forth unto his other big cat, Nero and said,” It’s playtime for my little darling, now go make your sport!” For, alas, he hadn’t roamed off like Titus did and died in its doing, gamboling off after varmints or something I can only presume he was. As a matter of fact, I don’t even believe Chadwick had a shadow of an inkling what had happened to him. But, however, his brother, who was now lying in wait all the while for his master’s pleasure had obeyed, when suddenly he uncoiled himself as a giant spring, thus laying holt to Toby’s massive forearm, now raking its gleaming pearlies (Teeth) deeply against his bone. As Toby once again reared up and roared whilst the blood stick hound was latched to his other. It was like they were trying to tear him in half, and if they got him on the ground, he would have been a goner for sure, I most assuredly feared.

Now captured in the soft moon glow I beheld Toby caught betwixt them, in some ghastly tug of war. Oh, it was a most terrible sight as I then snagged me brother’s loaded rifle and took aim at the dog beast. When Chadwick being the asp he was slithered up from behind (and, of course, he could’ve been clanking pots and pans together the whole time and I would have never been made any the wiser) and struck me the devil he did in the back of me head, with the butt end of his rifle, now giving me such a blinding flash as I fall on me face. And as he was standing there over me just waiting to finish up with bashing me poor head in, me brother Newly latched holt to him, by the hem of his trousers and wouldn’t let go he in the least, as he led there on the ground as some ole, clumsy sack of potatoes, just squirming around me poor brother was. As forthwith Chadwick quickly spun in a jiffy and commenced to kicking the tar out of’em, as just then I was able to roll over on me backside, with gun still in hand, with both me deafened ears and now seeing triplets was I. And so being inclined I figured on shooting the Chadwick in their midst, leaving his other two twins alone, and praise be I should’ve been giving a prized blue-ribbon for doing it. For I had hit him squarely in the back of his head, sending his noodle all over me poor brother Newly. Why, I didn’t know rather to laugh or cry as he laid there on the ground, as helpless as a new born babe was he. I can honestly say I never slew a man before this night, especially not in cold blood, and now I was up by two. I guess I should have felt grieved about it or something, if it was not for me splitting head a-pounding something almighty like, but a-pounding away it was, and that would have to be a darkly matter I would have to be studying on latter…if there was ever to be a later to come that is. And with just a brief respite from me wits, as most thankfully they had returned for the most part, be still shaky they were, as I then beheld now brightly shining in the moon light our Toby just a-roaring away he was, as he then suddenly lifted his right arm with a mighty jerk, now hurling the blood stick hound far and away with’em. And then after most mercifully freeing himself, he reached down and grabbed Nero by the scruff of his golden mane, now pulling his hide clean off I could tell, but even still the big cat clung to him fast, for so dug in it was. And finding this would not aid him in the least, Toby promptly staved in its skull with a single blow I beheld, smashing he it against the broad anvil of his forearm, with his fist like some fearful, mighty hammer it was, killing the very cat where it held. And even before he could rid himself of its still dangling corpse, the blood stick hound was no sooner upon his back a-bitten and a-slashing all over again. When thusly I seen Toby whilst reaching his lanky arms behind himself, and in so doing securing his tormenter by his pointy ears, he pulled the beast over, head and shoulders first now sundering the birch he smashed it against. But yet again the creature quickly recovered, and was all the same upon Toby once more, with every appearance that he was all-out going for his throat. When this time Toby grabbed it by its snout still a-snapping, and when he was pleased with his grasp, he then lifted it high enough for his other hand’s reach, now holding it by its hind legs, and with one final roar he pulled the creature twain at its belly. And, alas, at his toil’s, bloody end Toby came a-teetering over us, with some drunken, stumbling stagger, with wounds so deep…why, you could put your whole hand in’em, “Oh, our poor, Toby,” I woozily said to’em, as he then ever so gently gathered me crippled up brother Newly and I…our broken, worthless carcasses they were, into his torn arms and bore us he did…all the rest of the way home, with me now swooning in and out with the dry-heaves something terrible like. I didn’t know whether or not if I was coming or going, if I wanted to pass out or throw up, of which I think I would have surely done so, if I hadn’t skipped me breakfast and all. And of this I can’t be certain, but I think the big fella only faltered once in his long stride, and thus taking he a hard knee to the ground, but ill regardless of the fact, he must’ve soon got back upon his feet again, for now I seen me porch. Oh, how I just wanted to crawl up in me own bed and lie there as forever, without ever moving a sore muscle again. Why, I never been so tired in all me life, with me poor, ole eyelids so swollen I could barely keep’em open. And judging from me brother’s expression, me face was no better off than his…with welts upon welts, with every varying shade of black and blue popping up under the sun, and all from the creature’s cruel grasp it was. When then all of a sudden I was knocked back to me senses with my darling Cathy a-screaming whilst saying something about us being the dead only half resurrected, and something or the other about where’s the other parts of ya, at least that’s what I believe she said…I was still blacking in and out of it, don’t ya know...for I was more dead than alive I think. But nevertheless, she wasn’t brabbling (squabbling) over mere hijinks; we were a sorry sight to behold, to say the least. A bleeding, bloody mess we all were just a-pouring out as a busted sieve, as she then shrieked and told,” Dear merciful God, you’re drookit  (soaking wet) with blood!!!?” My Cathy exclaimed as with the pains of childbirth had come all over her again, as she then further told when she caught her breath,” Tom Tom said you were in good health when he left ya…what all happened to ya, now!?”  “ I don’t exactly know darling, we’re all still kinda sorting it out for ourselves, but I think it has something or the other to do about Newly killing somebody I heard tell. I thought for sure the next time I be seeing ya we be walking the streets of glory together.” And then suddenly I nodded off for just a wee second whilst still on me feet, and just as quickly awoke to my Cathy’s most fearful slap, and so that being what it was, I finished with me saying, “All I know, darling, we need some mending real bad like, are ya up for it?…we’re not fairing so well we are.” “I can tell,” my Cathy said, “you look a-might worse than something the cat would drag in…the walking dead you are, all but corpses with breath. I don’t know how you’re still standing.” And that’s when I seen Chunook a-lying off by the fireside all sewed up he was, when then I asked my Cathy about his welfare as she told,” Oh, he’s going to be chipper after a week or so, and then his stitches should come out before they all commence to their festering…and we don’t want none of that kind of shenanigans do we now.” As nextly she pointed to the table and informed, “Tom Tom said on their way back Toby dug up those weird looking roots over there, you know the ones with the white stuff all over’em, and then he said he chewed just a little nibblet of it, and fed him from the paste he made. Well, you can see for yourself he’s been sleeping like a wee pup ever since.” But never ya mind about that, it’s you all I’m sick over…good Lord just look at ya!” Then she told Ruthann and Elizabeth,” Start to boiling your water again and tear up the rest of the bedsheets, we’re going to be needing plenty of dressings for’em we are.” So, seemingly Newly being the worst of us was elected first, since he was spry in throwing his hand up and all, I tell ya a jack rabbit couldn’t have been any faster than was he. And so my Cathy cut off a piece of that root our Toby had dug, and gave it to me brother as she then instructed, “Now chew on this and you want be feeling nothing, and come morning you’ll be right as rain again.”

As then Newly as only Newly could reply in his objection, “I won’t be putting any of that in me mouth! How do I know it won’t be killing me any worse than I’m already dying?” “Do ya want me to be spoon feeding ya, ya big crybaby?” My Cathy admonished.” Now ya just take a gander over there will ya? Chunook is still amongst the living after eating it, and he’s the better off for it I tell ya, for doing so. Now ya be shutting your mouth and start to your chewing do ya hear, or I will skelp (smack) your behind worse than your mother ever gave ya…now commence to ya gobbling.” And after getting a full ear of that, me brother complied giving to the evidence as he said, “Oh well then, what else do I have to lose? If ya be putting it in that such a-way I guess I’ll be taking your slice…since I’m soon to be dying anyhow.” And as he rolled his eyes back in his head he lastly told, as if these were to be his final words, “I swear me scroll of life is being rolled up as we speak. Why, I can almost hear a-Saint Peter now a-calling with me dearly departed mother and father, with each at his side.”  And most mercifully before he could finish with his blathering, me brother conked out and went fastly asleep. And thus I seen grace once again smiled upon him, as the shot only glanced his bone and went clean through, just as his other one had. Oh well, I guess the saying is really true, lightening does strike twice after all…go figure that will ya. But anyway, after my Cathy had finished sewing Newly’s new holes up her eyes marveled, as she then exclaimed,” My word, just take a look will ya? There’s not nary a sign of redness, nor swelling…no pus-ing…no oozing. I can only suppose Toby’s root does other wonders, too. You’d just think to take a look at’em, he was only a naked heathen or something, but God in his wisdom knows better…praise be!” I almost wanted to shout a hallelujah, but for cause of all me earlier screaming had finished off me throat, when just then a funny thing occurred to me, I could swear on a stack of bibles and be found blameless to a fault, is that I can’t recollect in the least our Toby crawling into the house behind us. In fact, it was the first he had ever done so, but, nevertheless, there he was just sitting off towards me back wall all stooped over, on account, he had to hold his head cattycorner to the ceiling, for so tall he was. But there he was anyway, so patiently waiting with our Tom Tom all wrapped up in his still bleeding arms…oh, they were bad off they were. It looked like our Toby was going to haul off and die right, smack dab there on me floor for sure, when my Cathy hollered, for she then seen my scalp a-flapping on the back of me head, from the rifle butt I was giving. “Oh, dear Lord, Frank, you’re next.” She told, as she beheld me pink bone peeking through. And I could only reply,” No…No dear heart, our Toby is next.” And thus seeing his wounds were far worse than mine she gasped and said, “Dear Lord, Frank, his lips are gorming (bluing) over!” As too Tom Tom was now crying whilst saying,” Momma, Toby is getting real cold feeling all over he...he is!” Oh, my poor, big darling,” my wife exclaimed,” I sure pray I have enough thread for ya.” And so Toby took a big chomp out of that mangy, looking root of his, but sleep would not fall over him, it just must’ve numbed him up a bit, and thus my Cathy commenced to her cleaning and sewing of the wounds, which seemed to me to go on all of an hour past a day. Why, ya think me poor wife was sewing robes for the whole church choir she was. I can only say I stopped counting well past a hundred stitches…poor fella, he must’ve felt like a patchwork quilt or something. But even still I couldn’t help for thinking the whole time, that our Toby was bleeding out all over the entire place, me half-witted brother was getting all stitched up, for clearly neither of our wounds was nearly as bad as his. Well, anyway after a couple hours of that, my wife finished with mending our Toby up as best she could. Why, she was even able to dig out most of the shattered, lion’s teeth from his arm, when then the poor, big fella slumped over and fell deathly asleep right there on me floor, and then I thought to myself, that was the first I’d ever seen him with his eyes closed…and closed they were. As also now our wee Tom Tom had cuddled down to sleep right there next to’em, on a bed roll I had laid out for him, as peaceful as a little angel was he. And, alas, it was my turn to go under the needle, and so I took just a wee dram (small amount) from the root, and that’s the last I remember of it, I was snuffed out like a wick, why, I hadn’t a single smolder left in me I swear. When then upon the very next morning I awoke with a rousing yawn to me brother Newly a-snoring up a storm he was, as enough to rattle the very windowpanes lose from their sashes, with me head still a-feeling like some kind of pincushion of sorts, and banging something fiercely too it was. When then a-first I suddenly realized Toby and Chunook were gone, for they must’ve left sometime during the wee hours of the night, when we were all asleep, most probably trying to get away from me brother’s snoring I can only figure. So, I got up and walked over and pinched me brother right on his crooked nose, just a-snorted and a-grunted and a fussing when he finally awoke and complained,” What ya go doing that for…can’t ya see I’m dying and all!?”   “Are ya talking about those wee scratches there?” I jested, “Why, ya have the might of a mule and twice its stench ya do.”

As then I thought for someone sawing logs like that…well, there was nothing wrong with his ole pumper-ticker (heart) and lungs for sure. Then I told him, “We best be getting ya home now, or ya wife will be worrying like ya hauled off and died or something, and besides we got a whole lot of explaining to do to her…that’s for sure, and maybe just a wee, little bit of bending the truth if ya get my meaning (for, on account, his wife Lucinda was a high-strung women, and too being a bit on the stout side. I tell ya there was none quicker with a fist, nor handier with a skillet…a real brawler the women was). And so shouldering me brother up, we quietly slipped out like two bandaged up mummies we were, with all of our new seams just a-paining away, leaving me family still fastly asleep, and when getting to Newly’s house…well, let’s just say that didn’t float over too well, after we got past telling about the lions and all. Oh well, all I have to say about that we won’t be getting anymore baked pies from her no time soon, but such is life…if it’s not one thing it’s another. You don’t even have to go looking for it, but trouble still a-comes a knocking…it’s like enough already I’m done with it. I can say with all candor, ever since I came to this new world of me brother’s, I’ve never before been hurt so much in all me life. Well, all except for that one time I took a tumble off the roof and cracked two of me ribs, which however, I reckon, I’ve cracked all over again, judging from me grinding and popping. Oh well, there won’t be any more deep breathing for me for a while, and that’s for sure. I tell ya sometimes I just feel like a worn-out collection of old, broken bones just rubbing together, with all of me aliments just hissing fit and ready to bust they are. But, nevertheless, such bedeviling thoughts I refused to entertain, I guess I was just feeling a bit sorry for myself after the cussing Newly’s wife had put on me. Why, the only thing she didn’t call me was a Christian, and the very fact of her being the only child of an Scottish preacher…why, I never heard such swearing in all me life. Well, all except for the time Newly tried to put a whipping on her, and she bent his nose in his doing…ya thought she’d came from a drunken sailor or something, for how she spoke and fought. Why, I didn’t even have anything to do with it, I was just sitting there minding me own business, at the supper table waiting for me breakfast and all…ole boy, she certainly had the wrong pig by the tail and that’s for sure, let me tell ya. Oh well, just let it go I thought, as me hunger pains were starting to get the best of me, and when finally getting back home I seen all me family was a-stirring and a-cleaning and a-cooking, as the cock-a-leekie  (chicken and leeks) soup clung all about heavily in the air. Oh, it smelled so good, I had a real hankering for some hot vittles right about now I did. When then I could tell one of me family members had eloped and gone astray, for it was to be our wee Tom Tom, of course, for he now too was gone. When suddenly I spied him off to the edge of me field, just out of the corner of me eye just a- chattering away he was before that same swaying tree, without nary a lick of wind in the air, just as all the other yesterdays which came and gone before. And then being as a hell gained and a heaven lost, I just couldn’t help at times but feel as if I was marooned upon some savage isle, on the dark side of the moon just barely tending the ropes was I. And when I found all was lost and rapt in me own despair, I cried out unto the Lord and he heeding me plaintive wails be sending me the biggest angel he could find…to take up me poor slack and all. And when studying up more on that Toby friend of ours I figured, he wasn’t any kind of fella I ever knew, nor was he any kind of beastie either, for that matter. It was as if he was from another world. A world now where I was only allowed to dwell upon its wee edge, and no further was I to be granted. Only unto our Tom Tom has he giving the keys, which unlocks this vastly wilderness…which is seldom seen. Some ambit, hidden realm where only he can fully enter at Toby’s side…beholden they now what marvels, what mysteries I can only dare dream, but most sadly only will I ever ponder and never truly see…only now to glimpse from afar through the stirring mists of me wonder.

Oh, but to walk with’em once upon that less traveled path so few ever find. But, oh well, I soon thought to myself, life is a whirling-twirling whirligig after all, that only goes around once, so best to hold on tight and enjoy the ride. For whosoever really knows which way the gale doth bloweth, whether it be coming or going just as the ebbing and flowings of the briny deep, with its stormy crash of wind and wave, within the squalling eye of the tempest…there ya should find poor man still. The day nor seasons no not why nor care they, as the sun runs its fiery course through isles of cloud amongst its vastly oceans of vaulted azure. The moon and stars aloft in their wonder…wonders not, only man alone ponders such thoughts, for only God truly knows for he upholds them both, in the palm of his mighty hand, over the eternal gulf. Then I said to myself as this thought came a-skipping around in me mind, Frank, you’re neither good nor wise, you’re just doing the best ya can do to keep treading the flood for your poor, dear family’s sake, in a world seemingly dead set in dunking ya under its bitter waters of strife, until all your kicking is done, when ya just lying there on the bottom with your lifeless face staring up.

​And if there be any pearls of wisdom ya can take away from this whole, ugly affair, ya definitely know who your friends are. For, alas, when ya reach the end of this life’s fiery trial, be they standing right there next to ya, or tooting ya the rest of the way home. And when I finally close me earthly eyes for the last and open the heavenly ones a-first, I want to be seeing your big, square teeth just a-shinning me back…a-smiling in all their glory, just as the good Lord had made’em so. Thank ya Toby…for being such a good…good…friend.       

The End